My parents were married for almost 69 years - they married young (22 and 18) - they had children (lots of them) - they raised them and sent them off to live their lives, marry and produce grandchildren (which were many) - they grew older and lived awesome lives into their senior years - and when my dad got sick in his late 80’s, it was my mom who lovingly cared for him until he died at the age of 91. My mom would live 14 more years after my dad - her beloved spouse passed away.

I imagined that’s how every marriage turned out. I imagined that was how mine would go as well. Randy and I also married young (23 and 21) - we too had children (not as many as my parents) - we raised them and sent them off to live their lives, marry and produce grandchildren for us. But what didn’t happen for us was that we would have the opportunity to grow older together and live awesome lives in our senior years. That image of a perfect long marriage was shattered when Randy collapsed while out running and passed away one week later. I had become a widow at the age of 56.

It’s not what I wanted. It’s not what I had imagined.

In those early days of widowhood - I wondered about things. I wondered who would care for me when I was an old woman. I wondered who would hold my head and wipe my face when I was sick to my stomach. I wondered who I would travel with. I wondered where I would live or if I would move. I wondered what it would be like to grow old alone without my spouse. I wondered if my friends would include me in their dinner parties. I wondered if my kids would worry about me all alone in my house. I wondered if I should get another dog. I wondered about things.

There were things - though - I didn’t wonder about. My grief was raw but my faith was strong. There were truths that I knew without a shadow of a doubt.

I knew……..

#1. Nothing is unknown to God. I was born for a specific purpose and that purpose had not changed. All my life events were still in place. God never abandoned me.

#2. God was near to me. Even though I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I would fear no evil, for God was with me - His rod and staff comforted me.

#3. The Lord was working out His plans for my life. I knew He was fulfilling HIs purpose for me. I knew I had a purpose as a mom and grandma. I knew I taught piano lessons. I knew I was a mentor to young women in my church and neighbourhood. God was working and I would wait to see the next thing He had for me to do.

#4. An eternal perspective put Randy’s death in perspective. I didn’t see the whole picture - the whole time line. I only saw a glimpse. We are on this earth for such a short time really - a blip - because we are created for eternal life. The time of grieving is temporary.

#5. In God’s hands the difficult things of life eventually become good. I knew that God was able and willing to redeem Randy’s death and make good for me. He promised me and I held on to that promise. I didn’t see how. I didn’t see why. I didn’t see when. I didn’t see what. But God did and that’s all I needed.

In just a few short weeks - Harv and I will celebrate ten years of marriage. The years have flown by. If you asked us both - we’d say - at that time - we weren’t looking for a second spouse but when we were introduced by friends in late 2015, romance blossomed quickly and we married on April 2, 2016. Our wedding verse was from Psalm 30:5 - “weeping may last for the night but joy comes in the morning”. After both being widowed in our mid 50’s, after much grief and tears, we were both given a second chance at marriage.

Between my two spouses I’ll celebrate 45 years of marriage this April. I’ve been blessed. I enjoy being married. I love the together time. I’ve made plenty of mistakes but I’ve learned from them. I’ve said things I wish I could take back. I have needed to ask for forgiveness more times than I wish - because of the unkind things I’ve said. (To both spouses)! Sometimes I’ve acted - more like a two year old - than a grown woman. But I’ve grown through the years - stronger and wiser - more mature - marriage does that for you and to you. You know when to pick your battles and quite frankly - some things just don’t matter. It’s more about being loving and kind than getting your own way.

Second marriages are very different from first marriages. When you marry after your spouse passes away and you are older - you don’t have the same pressures and worries of raising children. Those days are behind you. Marrying later in life means you don’t have student loans to pay back. Both Harv and I didn’t have mortgages when we married so we didn’t have mortgage payments to face each month. We agreed together on what church to attend. We both loved to travel and spend some time in the winter in warmer climates and we continue to enjoy those gifts together.

But (and there are always buts) - a second marriage comes with the reminders that there was a first. Both of us had a life of more than fifty years that didn’t include each other - that didn’t include first families (siblings and parents) - children - grandchildren - experiences - joys and hardships - family vacations - trips - friends - jobs - hobbies - memories and the like! Speaking of friends (and family) - we’ve had some who have cut us out of their lives because we remarried. That hurts. But - we also have friends and family who have blessed us with their love and kindness because we remarried. (Until his passing in September, Harv’s father-in-law called me on my birthday each year and always expressed his joy for Harv and I.) It takes time to navigate through these things and that’s okay. We’ve been navigating for almost ten years. The key is to adapt and adjust and except and enjoy and embrace - in any relationship.

I read this quote recently - “One falls in love and then learns for the duration that one is at the mercy of someone else’s childhood. We don’t marry people and ‘their families’. We marry people and their childhood.”

I’m so grateful for the blessing of marriage. I’m grateful that as a young, twenty-one year old - I made vows to Randy - that we would be husband and wife - together for life. We were committed to those vows until Randy died. I’m grateful for the years that our marriage grew stronger - through the ups and downs - the joys and sorrows - the highs and the lows - 35 years strong!

I’m also grateful that I was given the opportunity to meet Harv and fall in love for the second time in my life and marry again. I’m grateful for the ten years that we’ve spent growing our relationship through the ups and downs - the joys and the sorrows - the highs and the lows - 10 years strong! May it continue for many years to come.

When we get married, we say vows. We vow to love each other through sickness and health - for richer or for poorer - for better or for worse - through thick and thin - ‘til death parts us. It’s a vow. Somedays it’s not easy. Somedays it’s messy. Somedays it’s spicy. But most days - it’s very, very good.

When the first wedding occurred - Adam and Eve - God said “it was very good.” God said “it’s not good for a man to be alone and that He would make a helper suitable”. What grace.