Did you happen to read last week’s blog! It was about the word that I have chosen for this year! A word that I want to pursue more fully in my life.

That word?

Excellence

This is what I wrote last week! “It won’t be easy. In fact - I almost want to pick another word. An easier word. Like joy. Or gifting. Or friendship. Those words seem to me less difficult. Less in your face. However - I’m choosing to pursue excellence and I know it will put me to the test. How? Because everything will be a choice. Choosing grace when I’m offended. Choosing forgiveness when someone hurts me. Choosing resilience when relationships are testy. Choosing courage to step outside of my comfort zone. Choosing passion when I need to invest time and effort in something when I’d rather not. Choosing creativity to step outside the box and be different.”

Four days! And then I was smacked in the face! The incident happened out of the blue. The test came. I wasn’t prepared. I had no warning! I was blindsided. But happen it did. My reaction surprised me. There were tears and more tears. There was frustration (on my part). There was sadness. There was anger. And more tears. I couldn’t stop crying. My heart was broken again.

Should I have been surprised? Probably not! Was I? Absolutely. Remember the saying - “the best laid plans of mice and men?” This is a famous line from Robert Burn’s poem - “To a Mouse” - written in 1785. Apparently Burns accidentally destroyed a mouse’s nest while he was ploughing a field. It’s a reminder that life is unpredictable and no matter how much you plan - sometimes circumstances happen out of the blue and disrupt your goals - sabotage your intentions.

After some hours had passed - I texted a friend to see if she could go for a walk. And even though she had just returned from a long walk herself - of course - she agreed to meet me. Perhaps she sensed my urgency. Perhaps she sensed the static of my short text. Regardless, her response was “absolutely”. We walked and talked. She was not in a hurry to tell me what to do. She let me cry. She let me unburden myself. She was a comfort to my hurtin’ heart. We walked some more and we talked. We went further than we had planned and as we were nearing the end of our walk - her kind advice helped my head and heart connect. I would choose grace. I would choose resilience. I would choose courage.

Some of you know how much I love the teachings and quotes of C.S. Lewis. (Someday I will get to Oxford, England and visit the pub where Lewis and Tolkien hung out with their literary friends.) It’s called The Eagle and Child and this group - called the Inklings - met informally on Monday or Tuesday at lunchtime in a room nicknamed the “Rabbit Room.” Surely it was there they discussed their works-in-progress and sought each other’s advice.

About pursuing excellence - Lewis said that it is rooted in surrender. “The full acting out of the self’s surrender to God therefore demands pain: this action, to be perfect, must be done from the pure will to obey, in the absence, or in the teeth of inclination.” Surrendering the desire to be right - surrendering the desire to not overlook - surrendering the desire to go low - is painful - and just takes good old-fashioned gumption and grit and the will to be Christlike.

“I cannot always choose what happens to me but I can choose what happens in me.” (DW)

I still love my choice of my word of the year! I will pursue excellence. I will learn from this experience and I will grow stronger. I am stronger.