2011 was an exciting year in the Jolliffe family. We knew that grandchild #1 was expected in February of 2011 and grandchild #2 was due in early June of 2011. Christmas of 2010 we found out that grandchild #3 was due in July, 2011. Our cup was overflowing. The first three. Triplet cousins. As it turns out - Sara was born in February and Randy and I flew down the highway to London to meet her. Adorable. Instant love. Levi was born on his due date - June 4th and as quickly as possible we drove north up Highway 11 to Cochrane and took the 5 hour train ride to Moosonee to meet him. Adorable. Instant love. We stayed a week in the north and drove home - only to receive a call from Zac that Tracy was in labour. Early the next day we learned that Talia had arrived - thirteen days after Levi - and we drove over to Kitchener to meet her. Adorable. Instant love.

The big three had arrived.

These first three (of ten grandchildren) turn 14 this year.

Our fourth grandchild - Caleb - becomes a teenager in October . We were in Moosonee waiting for Caleb’s arrival - he was a wee bit late - but the night he arrived - he arrived in a hurry. Adorable. Instant love.

These four are the oldest of my grandchildren and life in their homes is fast and furious.

Charles Dickens - “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.” This phrase is from the famous opening paragraph of A Tale of Two Cities.

It could very well describe teenage years in most homes!

I lived my best life when I was a teenager. I played piano and sang in the both my school and church choirs. I played all sorts of sports - badminton, basketball, volleyball, tennis and running. I went to a great youth group at my church. I met my first husband - Randy - at a youth convention - and I knew he would be the man I would marry someday.

Through all these momentous events in my life, my parents were my number one fans. They supported me. They offered grace more times than I deserved.

I remember only one incident that was not an epic experience for me. I made a bad decision. I was in grade 9 and my friend and I hatched a plan to attend an event that I knew I would not receive permission for from my parents. I told my parents I was going to my friend’s house for the evening but didn’t stay there. We went somewhere else. When I got home around 9:30 - right away - I knew they knew. Parents are so smart. They have that second sense and I was their ninth child. What was I thinking that I could get away with something like that.

It happened this way! When my brother - Tim - got home at 9:00 from his part time job, Mom asked him to walk over to my friend’s house so I wouldn’t have to walk home alone. Of course, I wasn’t there and he came home alone. Mom and Dad were sitting on the couch when I walked into the room, they just looked at me! I could tell they were so disappointed in me and my character that night. We talked about it! We talked about living the truth. They didn’t “ground” me - they didn’t “discipline” me - they knew I had learned a valuable lesson that night. I never lied to them again.

The teenage years of our boys were filled with high school sports - youth group activities - part time jobs - girls and working at summer camp - IAWAH! Our house was often filled with kids. We had a backyard pool and from May until September - the pool was always being used by the boys and their friends and there were shrieks of laughter and joy and fun. One day I came home from shopping and Pete had brought the whole rugby team over after a game to cool off. Twenty or so - teenaged boys - and their coaches in the pool. I think it took Randy weeks to get the PH balanced again!

We didn’t have too many rules around and we did something we thought was wise. We had regular family meetings - attendance was mandatory - each of us had the opportunity to voice their opinions and then guidelines were set for a period of time for our household. The guidelines held until they were reviewed - some stayed and some changed.

Pretty basic stuff! Randy and I had to know who the boys were with and where they were. (This was long before cell phones so a phone call from a friend’s home was required). Do to others as you would have them do to you was practiced in our home. Work hard at school - at your part-time job - and around the house. Things like that.

Raising teenagers today is very different than thirty years ago but a few things remain the same!

#1. Communication - listen to what the teens are saying - talk about their day at school - validate their emotions (even if they seem irrational) - respect them and offer grace.

#2. Set Clear Boundaries - consistency is the key - be flexible - have clear expectations and guidelines.

#3. Encourage Responsibility - assign chores around the house - help them make good goals, both personal and academic - teach them how to manage their time.

#4. Be Involved - attend their games and performances - ask about their homework.

#5. Attend Church Together - help them grow spiritually - take them to youth activities.

#6. Focus on their Self Care - make sure they shower regularly - use deodorant - wear clean clothes - enjoy hobbies and relaxation.

There will be glitches along the way. Just as Dickens said - somedays our teens will be model children and their parents will enjoy “the best of times” - other days, these same teens will be ruled by their changing emotions and their parents will wonder who their child has become and it will be “the worst of times.” One day wise - one day foolish! Mood bright one day - the next dark.

I love to be with my teenaged grandchildren and to be in there homes and have them in ours. I love when they walk in and grab some cookies and muffins and fruit and Bubbly water. I love that their bathing suits are here so they can jump in the lake and hot tub. I love to hear the ball being bounced back and forth on the ping pong table. I love to hear about their serves in volleyball - their attempt at the “Michigan” - their jazz choir competitions - their friends - their “crushes”. It’s my joy as their Grammie to love them - encourage them - bless them and pray for them. It’s my joy as their Grammie to bless their parents and encourage them as they raise these really great kids to become stable adults in an unstable world.

The teen years are for holding on. The teen years are for letting go. Holding on to the days they want to spend with family. Letting go when they’d rather be with their friends. Holding on for dear life with them behind the wheel. Letting go of control and trusting they’ve got this. Holding on to hope they’ll make good decisions. Letting go of believing we can make them all for them. Holding on so tight with each and every hug. Letting go and hoping they’ll always come back. Holding onto moments that are left with them under the care of home. Letting go of thinking we can keep you here forever. Holding on to all the memories of those sweet babies. Letting go as they become young adults. Holding on. Letting go.

(Thank you to Raise Her Wild with Mehr Lee for sharing)

Sara, Levi, Tali and Caleb - you are my fab four teenagers. There are six more coming behind you - love you and cheering you on!