CAMINO WORDS! “She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails……..because sometimes resilience means redirecting - not retreating.”

That’s how I was raised! I had the example of my very strong mother and older sisters who faced and continue to face really hard things. The women who raised me - didn’t hide under a rock when things got/get tough. They faced them. They embraced them. They conquered them.

I was around 5 or 6 years old when my Dad had a hospital stay that lasted 6 or 7 weeks. My Dad was the sole breadwinner in our family and I’m not even sure he got paid when he didn’t go to work. Dad had a kidney removed and the recovery was a long time. Children couldn’t go into the hospital in those days - so once a week - after church on Sunday - Mom would take us kids to the hospital parking lot and there we would stand and wave up at Dad. Dad would look out of his window and he always waved back. How I missed him around the house. It was a very long couple of months. During those extremely difficult weeks - Mom started selling Avon - to help with the finances. She was very good at it too. Mom simply adjusted her sails - redirected her role in our family - and did what she had to do.

Courage doesn’t always roar. Somedays it’s the quiet voice that says - I’ll try again tomorrow.

In my 40’s and 50’s - I did a lot of running. One year I purposed to run 1200 km - that year was 2014. When Randy collapsed at the end of June and passed away one week later - my running was suspended. The night he died - I could barely walk across the room, let alone go for a 10 km run. And yet - as the summer passed - I grew stronger - and by September, I was back at it. I ran 1,000 km that year. It took courage. It took strength. It took encouragement from my family and friends. I did it.

Annawin - “I thought God lived only in the miracles. But I met Him in the waiting….in the mornings with nothing new….in the pain of surrender when nothing made sense…..but I trusted anyway.”

Randy and I served in the local church ministry for 35 years. Most of the that time - life was filled with preaching (either prepping and preparing or presenting) - counselling - encouraging - teaching - fellowshipping and loving our congregations - but there were times…….that were really hard - painful - gut wrenching! In one particularly difficult situation - we prayed for a miracle. We prayed that things would change. They didn’t. We prayed that a new morning would reveal an answer to our tear-filled prayers. It didn’t. Nothing made sense. We had been called to a church and less than two years later - “they” wanted us gone. “They” didn’t like the changes - a worship team that used drums - guitars instead of an organ - songs instead of hymns! “They” just didn’t want us. We got fired and we trusted anyway. We met God in the waiting.

Annawin - “There were pages I didn’t post. Chapters. I couldn’t say things out loud. Not because I was ashamed but because they were treasures. God was rewriting me in the margins of my silence. And some of that ink was meant to stay just between me and God.”

When I don’t see the purpose of my wounds - I remind myself that every scar is a reminder……not of where I bled but where God healed.

I have a very large scar on my right leg. I’m pretty sure it’s from the first time I shaved my legs. I probably used my Dad’s razor (and I imagine he was not happy when he shaved his face the next day with a dull razor.) I have a scar on my right hand too. That scar is the result of my disobedience - as a 5 year old - taking a pop bottle - on a Sunday afternoon - (when I had been told not to) - to the corner store to buy candy. I never made it to the store. I fell down the back stairs and the glass dug into my hand. It took 3 nurses and my parents to hold me down while the doctor stitched me up - 6 stitches. It was quite a gash. To this day - I’m reminded of that day.

There are some wounds - to my heart - where I’m reminded - not of the hurt but of the healing. I mentioned earlier that Randy and I were “let go” by our church family. Fired! For days and weeks, we reeled with our new reality. We moved away from Cambridge to begin a sabbatical in Westport. We thought it would last for 3 or 4 months but God allowed us to stay there for one year. What a tremendous year of healing that was for us. About 6 or 7 weeks after moving to Westport, we were worshipping in the Pier Church in Brockville, Ontario. My brother and his wife and family attended there. At one point in the service, the pastor of the church welcomed anyone to come to the altar and receive prayer for healing - help - or whatever. I practically ran to the front. My brother and his wife and nephew prayed over me and at that moment, God healed my very broken heart. I offered forgiveness to those who had broken it.

One last thing……….The older I get the more I realize that time doesn’t heal all wounds. There are things in life that will always hurt (just a bit) or be tender (sometimes a lot). I can still be content and happy and still have some things in my life that pinch at the memory of them.

With time, I have come to understand that healing doesn’t necessarily mean erasing - that moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting. Some wounds do not disappear - but they do soften - they do shift - but they remain part of who I am today. Who I have become. I am not the same person I was ten years ago or twenty years ago. And that’s good. That’s really good.

I also don’t wait for the day when every ache has disappeared to be grateful or joyful or living life to the fullest. Happiness and hurt can coexist - one does not cancel out the other. I can love deeply - even when my heart has known great pain.

Life is not about “getting over” everything - it is about learning to hold both sorrow and joy - with grace and strength - allowing them to shape me without defining me.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed!” (2 Corinthians 4:7-9)