FOUR MEN IN THE FIRE

There is a story in the Bible - in the book of Daniel - about three young friends. Their names were Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego. These young men were captives in a foreign land because the wicked king Nebuchadnezzar had besieged Jerusalem when they were young boys. They were taken as prisoners to Babylon where they would be taught the ways of the Chaldeans.

King Neb made a rule! Whenever he played music - everyone was required to bow down to worship the golden statue he had made of himself - sixty cubits high - almost 30 metres! Shad - Mesh - and Abe - had been taught in the ways of the Lord - faithful Israelites - (I would love to know their parents) - and they refused to bow. What is the first of the ten commandments? “You shall have no other gods before me.” The king said bow and they said “we won’t bow!”

When King Neb heard they weren’t obeying - he gave them one more chance. He gave them an ultimatum - “bow or I’m going to through you alive into a fiery furnace.” The music started - and they didn’t bow. The boys told the king that the God whom they served would be able to deliver them - but even if He didn’t - they still would never bow to him. Neb was really mad. (Sound familiar - someone doesn’t get their own way and they go ballistic!) He was furious! King Neb ordered the furnace to be 7 times hotter than it was usually heated. Shad - Mesh and Abe - were bound in their cloaks, their tunics, their hats and their other garments - and were thrown in. The soldiers who threw them in were burnt to a crisp.

It seems the the King had a bird’s eye view of all the happenings. Apparently he jumped to his feet - exclaiming - “we cast three men in but I see four!”

I’ve been there! Not literally! Not in a furnace that is seven times hotter. But it’s felt that way. The heat! The oppression! The pain! I also know so many - family and friends - who’ve been thrown into their own fires. Fires of depression - divorce - death - separation - misunderstandings - job loss - family squabbles - accidents - cancer - physical and emotional pain - drug and alcohol addictions - so many hard things.

Take my new friend - CH - who I met for fifteen minutes last Friday night at the beach get- together here in Curaçao. We happened to be in the washroom at the same time and I commented on the pretty colour of her bathing suit. I was startled to see a tear roll down her cheek. She said she didn’t remember the last time she had received a compliment let alone a hug. C was from New York City - had lived on the streets for a time - had boiling water thrown at her chest (I saw the scars) - had had several relationships that never led to a commitment - and was in Curacao at the gift of a friend. We discovered we were almost the same age. I encouraged her with the only words that came to mind……..God had preserved her all these years for a specific purpose - that He cared for her - that He loved her. In all the trials and fires she walked through - the 4th Man was with her. We promised each other that we’d keep in touch. Maybe we will. Maybe we won’t - but I’ll always treasure the brief time we shared together. I will always remember her story. CH - the 4th Man promises to be with you always.

I have an elderly acquaintance - a widow for several years - independent - has an active social life - but faces the ordinary and natural issues that elders experience. I think about her several times throughout each day and of course - pray for her often. She loves God and has been in a relationship with Him all her life. She told me recently in a conversation that this winter has been somewhat difficult with so many dull days - not much sunshine.

A few weeks ago she had a Fourth Man in the Fire experience. It was a very snowy day - dark clouds looming overhead - and she told me she was standing in front of a window in her house - thinking about her life. Out of nowhere - the snow stopped briefly - the clouds parted for just a few minutes - and the sun shone right on her face. It illuminated her being and the whole room. She was filled with a warmth she’s never felt before. She told me she cried out in gratefulness and thanksgiving - knowing she was experiencing a very special God moment. The 4th Man showed up for her that day.

“Blessed assurance - Jesus is mine - He’s been my fourth man in the fire - time after time.”

Those three guys - Shadrach - Meshach and Abednego - it says - “the hair of their heads was not singed, their cloaks were not harmed and no smell of fire had come upon them”. Old King Neb changed his tune! He recognized the miracle too.

Like the three men in the fiery furnace I can testify the words from my future “funeral” song - Indy reminds me of this every time we hear it!

“All my life You have been faithful - all my life You have been so so good. With every breath that I am able - I will sing of the goodness of God. I love Your voice - You have led me through the fire - In darkest night - You are close like no other. I know You as a Father - I know You as a friend - I have lived in the goodness of God.”

SUNSHINE AND WARM WEATHER

When I married Harvey Lootsma - almost ten years ago - and moved to Kincardine - he warned me that I was moving to “Grey”/Bruce County - emphasis on the grey. I thought (at the time) - it can’t be that bad! It is. Once the lovely autumn weather is over - the clouds gather over Lake Huron and they don’t leave. You can count on one hand the number of sunny days we have through most of November, December and January.

Yes - we keep busy! Yes - we have a jigsaw puzzle on the table. Yes - I continue to workout and play pickle ball as much as possible. Yes - we go to our church. Yes - we have dinner with family and friends - meet for coffee - and walks - but man - do I miss the sunshine.

So…..this morning……Harv and I are jetting off to Curacao for a few weeks of sunshine and surf and heat.

I remember the very first time our family went away for a week in the winter time. Our sons were in Grade 9, 8 and 7 and a friend offered us the use of her dad’s condo. We couldn’t believe it. We had never been able to go south in the wintertime and now it was happening. We made our plans - set our departure date - started to pack……and then……the unthinkable……my friend called to say that the condo had been sold and was no longer available for us to use.

I felt sick. What would we tell the boys. They were already in bed. I cried and then I did what I always did when I wasn’t sure what to do - I called my Mom. She could fix everything. Mom shared my disappointment - then said - “give me some time - let’s sleep on it - I’ll call you in the morning.” Sure enough. Mom called the next morning to say a friend in a senior’s trailer park said we could use their trailer for a week. Same week. Just a different location. Needless to say - Randy and I were thrilled we didn’t have to cancel our trip. We were thankful we didn’t have to tell the boys we weren’t going.

We left on a Thursday afternoon and planned to drive through the night - make it to St. Pete’s, Florida in 24 hours or so. Zac - was in the back of the van with a snorkel out the window for “air” - Ben and Pete were in the middle seats in the “captain chairs” - me riding “shotgun” and Randy was driving the first shift. Everyone was super excited. We crossed the border at Detroit (got a little turned around and ended up in an “unsavoury” area but finally found the right way and headed south. Through Michigan. Then Ohio. Then Kentucky. I got the “graveyard” shift for driving - around midnight! The boys were sound asleep. Randy was ready for a nap. I was wide awake. After changing positions - Randy fell fast asleep and I was the only one awake in the van. I drove through the Carolinas - and into Georgia - listening to music - praying for my family - 4 guys all snoring! Finally around 4:30 am - I pulled off I-75 and into an IHOP parking lot - shut the van off - and fell asleep myself.

We all woke up around 7:00 and I’ll never forget the warmth of that morning sun - the green grass - the flowers blooming - and that warm, warm air. It was winter back home but it was summer in the south.

I’ve been on several winter vacations since that very first one and I’m never grown tired of that moment - when you step off the plane - and the wave of hot, humid, delicious air hits you squarely in the face. I don’t take it for granted.

One of the wisest men who ever lived was King Solomon and he wrote this - “Sunshine is sweet, it is good to see the light of day.” This verse reminds me how much a person wants - desires - needs - appreciates - the warmth and light of the sun. It also reminds me of how we all need to be “sunshine” to the people we come in contact with each day.

How does one be the sunshine in another’s life?

Offer it freely. Don’t be stingy in our words to others. Don’t withhold encouragement and gratitude. Do fill the cups of others willingly and lovingly.

Offer compassion. It’s like balm on a burn or cut when we show empathy rather than criticism to our loved ones and friends. Don’t tell them “what it was like in your day” or “you should have done it this way”. Encourage and bless them.

Be generous. Generosity always wins. Withholding “sunshine” hurts both the giver and the receiver.

Encourage perseverance. The sun comes up every morning and goes down at the end of the day - even if the clouds are covering it. On those cloudy days - especially on the cloudy days - in a spiritual sense - it’s important to be the cheering section.

Dispel negativity. This is the worst. It’s one of the most devastating words I know. A negative spirit really kills. Be and do the opposite - promote positivity.

C. S. Lewis wrote in his book - The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe - “Always winter and never Christmas.” Lewis wanted his readers to understand that under the rule of the White Witch - the people of Narnia were trapped in a world without God (Aslan) - joy - light - and redemption. Christmas changes that notion.

And yes! In the next few weeks - I’ll bask in the literal sunshine of the warm Caribbean sun and I know I’ll meet some new friends where I will be able to spread a little sunshine. I’ll bring some home with me!

MARKERS IN MY LIFE

Maybe because the calendar turned over another year for me - or maybe with the realization that my mom’s passing occurred 5 years ago this past week - or maybe that half of my grandchildren (and three more are very close) are taller than me - or maybe (between two husbands) I’ve been married for 45 years - or maybe that’s it’s January in Bruce County and I’ve had a lot of time for reminiscing - I’ve been thinking of the markers that have shaped my life. Specific events that make me who I am today. Circumstances that changed things for me. Landmark happenings. I came up with 12!

#1. I was the 9th child born to Stan and Alice Castle. My heritage is very important to me. I could have been born anywhere in the world - could have been born to anybody - but I believe that in the providence of God - so my birth in my family is no accident. My parents raised a large family and taught us to love God, love our family and friends - work hard - play hard and grow up to be strong, contributing adults. My Dad worked at the “mill” - Domtar and my Mom stayed home to care for us. They were faithful members of the Baptist church and took us all to Sunday School and church each week - we sang in the choirs and went to youth group. It was never a burden for me. I miss my parents. I miss their wisdom and wit. I miss their presence in my life but I have them in my heart. Being born a “Castle” defined my life.

#2. My Mom’s cancer diagnosis when I turned 16. On my 16th birthday - my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I was so scared. All my sisters and brothers had left “the nest” by then - it was just Dad and I home that day. It was a Saturday. I can still see where the phone was in the hallway - where the conversation was taking place - where the news was bad! I thought my Mom was going to die! She didn’t though. Her surgery took place and although the year following was difficult - Mom lived for more than 46 years after that fateful Saturday. That particular day - though - I decided to make everyday count. Not a day would go by that I wouldn’t live life to the fullest. Not a day would go by where I would live with regrets or bitterness. Not a day would go by where I wouldn’t tell my Mom how much I loved her. I did just that until she passed away in our home ten minutes before my birthday in 2021.

#3. My moment when I got serious about being a Christ follower. I was 17 and I attended a youth event at my church. It wasn’t anything new. I had heard sermons and lessons all my life but that day it was different. The speaker challenged our generation of teenagers if we would be difference makers. It was 1975 - 51 years ago! Do you remember the 70’s? Drugs - Sex - and Rock and Roll! He asked us to be “out of the ordinary”. To be sincere. To be radically uncommon. That day I made a promise that I would! It’s a decision I’ve never regretted.

#4. My marriage. Randy and I were married in June of 1979 and our marriage was good - for 35 years until he suddenly passed away. June 2nd, 1979 was a magical day - sunny and hot - and all our family and friends gathered to celebrate our union. Randy and I planned to go into full-time ministry after graduation from seminary and so we chose as our wedding hymn - Living For Jesus. “Living for Jesus a life that is true, striving to please Him in all that we do, Yielding allegiance, glad-hearted and free, this is the pathway of blessing for me.” I’m grateful for those 35 years. We were kids when we got married and we grew up together. We learned lots of things the hard way. Randy grew up in a family that had two children - a family where my father-in-law “ran the show”. I grew up in home that had nine children - where my Dad worked regular shifts so my Mom “ran the home”. She taught all of us to be strong and independent. In the early days - Randy and I had some interesting conversations - because of how we were raised. We worked it out though and life hummed along so very nicely for us - as we raised our children - as we aged - as we leaned into God’s goodness for each other and individually. I know how loved I was by Randy - how he always had my back - how he always wanted my best - it went both ways. We were a good team.

#5. #6. #7. My sons! I’ve written so much about my boys through the years. Each of their births changed my life. Zac - January 15, 1982 - Red letter day! Ben - April 6, 1983 - Celebration day! Pete - August 20,1984! Day to Remember. My life was totally changed for the better - forever. Not a day - sometimes not an hour - goes by - that my mind isn’t wandering to Kitchener - to Ottawa - and to right here in Kincardine - wondering how their day is going - wondering how their family life is going - wondering if work is going good or great. My mind wanders back to when they were preschoolers and I had the opportunity to pour everything I had into their lives during those days - and the the night-time routines - 20 minutes with each son - lying down with them and talking about their day - singing to them - praying with them. As they grew older, they didn’t need me in the same way - they put themselves to bed - they got themselves up in the morning - and then one day - they were gone. Empty nest. The house was too quiet. There were no empty glasses left in the family room. No empty chip bags. No running shoes scattered by the back door. No knock on the door with their friends popping by. Our job was complete. But was it? Not really. It still goes on today but in a different way…….and it will until I take my last breath. Always a mom.

#8. Tim’s death. My brother died in a canoeing accident on a beautiful afternoon in the summer of 1994. The call came on a Sunday night - just after midnight - the early hours of July 25th. I could tell from Randy’s voice that it was bad news - someone had died. As I listened I thought - probably someone from our church family - not ever imagining in a thousand years that it was my beloved big brother - Tim. Our brother Ted was making the calls to each of us siblings - relating the very sad news - Tim had drowned Sunday afternoon in the McKenzie River near his home. No one - remotely close to me - had ever died. My grandparents - yes - but weren’t they supposed to die? Not siblings. We were all devastated. We cried. We grieved. We knew life would never be the same again. But I also became more aware of other’s sufferings. Other families had the same things happen to them. I learned to be more compassionate and learned to lean into others who would go through the death of a loved one and support them. I also learned to trust in God’s gracious love and knowledge that death is not the end but only the beginning of life in heaven. “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.” Psalm 116:15

#9. Ministry in a fish bowl. We began pastoring in Cambridge in the late 1990’s and completed that part of our lives in 2009. This marker is a difficult one. We began in 1998 with such high hopes - we were excited for this new chapter in our lives to begin. The boys were all in high school and had embraced the move to the city. They immediately found great friends - both at the church and at their school - excelled in the classroom and in the gym. We felt it was a good fit all the way around - until it wasn’t. Without sugar coating things - after 16 months of ministry and fantastic growth - some church members felt threatened by the growth and change - and very soon we knew our days were numbered. After several meetings (them wanting us to resign quietly - we didn’t) - a non-confidence vote was called and we lost. We were fired without cause. Painful - absolutely. But in another sense - grateful - we wouldn’t have to tiptoe around and throughout those painful weeks - our boys were rockstars. They were a tremendous support to us in those days - mature beyond their years. For the next 9 years we served in the same community in a tiny church and the people blessed us with their love for us and for the ministry. Near the end of our tenure in Cambridge, the little church we were serving in joined a major network - headquartered in the States - and they decided to bring their own pastor in rather than keep us on. Once again we were shepherds without sheep. The thing is - our faith is in God - not people. People are fickle and change. God doesn’t change. And so we waited and trusted God for the next thing. After a year of waiting and praying and trusting - God led us to a wonderful, caring group in Alliston - where we would be loved for the next four years. After those experiences I have a strong affinity to support our pastors and their families. Love them. Support them. Enough said.

#10. Marriages of my sons. Ben and Jen were married in 2007. Pete and Heather in 2008. Zac and Tracy in 2009. Their Dad married all three of them. I had a new role - mother-in-law. After living in a very testosterone dominated house - things were changing. I had daughters (in-law). I watched how my sons began dating - watched them fall in love - listened to the plans and hopes and dreams. I learned from another friend that M-I-L’s should do three things - keep quiet - nod your head in agreement - and wear beige! All joking aside - I did my best to be supportive and love our “girls”. All these years later - I’m ever so grateful for Tracy and Jen and Heather. They are the perfect mates for my sons - they are smart and intelligent women - and great moms to their kids. I read this statement years and years ago - “You had the opportunity to “run” your own household - don’t try to run your d-i-l’s!” Good advice. I pray for them each day and offer support where I can. These six have my heart.

#11. Randy’s death in 2014. My adult life is divided into two parts - before Randy died - and - after Randy died. I wrote this on August 21, 2014. “It shouldn’t have happened. It is an anomaly outside of Divine intervention. It occurred to me that Randy’s death shouldn’t have happened. James (his running buddy) was there - right with him - and started CPR immediately. An off-duty police officer stopped 30 seconds after Randy collapsed. A doctor “happened” to be cycling by and also stopped. But - God was arranging Randy’s home going. God really does rule the whole world. God rules over the calamities in my life. Pain is real. God is not against me. He is for me. God is in control. God is faithful. Because of Randy’s life - I trust other lives will be changed. May God be glorified. If I try to get God off the hook of His sovereignty - I lose it for my sustaining future. I don’t need to know why. I don’t need to understand. I need to trust.” And I did. I leaned into God like never before. Since the day of Randy’s collapse - I have had countless opportunities to encourage other widows and help them through their grief and loss.

#12. My marriage to Harv. My last marker (thus far) is this. In late 2015 - when I was not looking for a second husband - God had someone already picked out for me. A man who - loves God - was married for 34 years - was a dad to two daughters - and also a widower. A man who - like me - had lost his spouse to death and was very much alone. Two lonely and alone people - God brought together. It was a quick courtship but when you know - you know. We married in April 2016. I’m so grateful for Harv and our life together. That first year of marriage we used Deuteronomy 24:5 - as the key to a successful relationship! “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married!” Harv and I spent one year doing everything together and I do believe we brought great happiness to each other. And now ten years later - Harv golfs and I play pickle ball but always at the end of the day - we’re there for each other. Our home - on Boiler Beach - is a place where family and friends gather for meals and swims and camp fires and overnights. Our marriage continues to grow stronger as we allow lean into God’s Word - Love is patient and kind. It is not jealous - not pompous - not inflated. Love is not rude - it does not seek its own interests. It is not quick tempered and does not rejoice over wrong doings, but rejoices in the truth. Ten years! We’re only just getting going.

Thousands of years ago - Joshua - the leader who brought God’s people into the Promised Land - was instructed by God to do this very thing. “Take twelve stones (markers) and place them where everyone can see - and when your children ask - ‘what do these markers mean’ - tell them.” My markers are for my children and grandchildren and friends and acquaintances to know all that God has done for me through my life - through the difficult, really hard times - and also through the really good - great times. All my life God has been faithful. All my life You have been so, so good. With every breath that I am able - I will sing of the goodness of God.

These stones have been given to me by my grandchildren. I treasure them.

SIX SEVEN

Six Seven! Have you heard this “word”?

Merriam-Webster defines it like this. “Six seven (or 67 or 6 7, etc.) is a nonsensical expression used especially by teens and tweens that is connected to a rap song and also to a 6’ 7” tall basketball player.

Teens and adults alike have tried to explain it. Some say it means “so-so,” especially since kids often pair the phrase with an up-and-down hand motion. Others argue it refers to a person who is tall, some think it stands for a basketball term, and so on. The bottom line is, the term “six seven” is nonsensical—which is sort of the point. As one tween TikToker put it under another video, “I think the point is that it makes no sense.”

All through Christmas vacation when the grandkids were here - that’s all we heard!!! Six/seven!

Six/Seven is way more than a word to me though. I turned 67 last January in Antigua - 361 days ago. It was a fun year to be 6/7! In four short days - another trip around the sun begins.

I love quotes. When I see one I want to remember - I write them down in my journal - to read and re-read. Here are some of my favourite quotes from the past year - my year of being 6/7 - things I learned - things I want to share with others - whimsical things - some happy - some sad - some funny - some thought provoking - some spiritual - some political - some about families - some about growing older………Here are a few of my favourites!

Portia - from the Merchant of Venice - “The quality of mercy is not strain’d. It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven - upon the place beneath. It is ‘twice blest’. It blessed him that gives and him that receives.” (Act IV Scene I) I am reminded that it is an extraordinary gift to both give mercy and to receive mercy…..it marks a difference from the world view. Our culture doesn’t encourage this characteristic.

Dead Poets Society - “We don’t read and write poetry and stories because it’s cute. We read and write because we are members of the human race….and the human race is filled with passion. Medicine, law, business, engineering - are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain. life. But - books, poetry, beauty, romance and love - well - these are what we stay alive for.” Everyone has a story. I spent more time listening this past year - more time asking questions - less time talking - more time encouraging family and friends to tell me their stories - to share their hearts and passions and dreams. It’s what makes the world go around!

Toby Mac - “God is working for you today. Heaven is holding conversations about you. Angels have been assigned to you. Be at peace. Leave it in His capable hands.” I can only imagine these conversations. I am blown away that the God of all the universe is talking to the angels about my well-being. This is so meaningful to me. What comfort. What joy. What a blessing to know that all of heaven is cheering for me - encouraging me - spurring me onward and upward - working things out for my good. It’s humbling and keeps me in perfect peace.

Unknown - “A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.” I’m constantly reminded that in this world of “dog eat dog” how important it is to build each other up - to compliment a stranger with the colour of her dress - to tell a “sister” that her smile lights up a room - to remind a friend that their place in your life is not just needed, it’s enjoyed and wanted. My light doesn’t grow dimmer by speaking life into another. It doubles the enjoyment.

C.S. Lewis - “I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time…..waking or sleeping. It doesn’t change God. It changes me.” Prayer is such a gift from God to us. He calls us to Himself. He beckons us to tell Him everything at any time of the day or night - I think especially in the night. Only a loving Father listens to the cries of His child at 3 am and offers comfort and peace and rest.

Unknown - “I absolutely adore my grown up kids. But there are times I miss their littleness with a force that steals the breath out of my lungs.” As the years go by - the more I remember - their tiny hands and feet - their tiny voices calling out - their chubby arms wrapped around my neck - their first words - their scraped knees - their broken hearts - their laughter and giggles - their everything. I remember and there are moments I’d like them back - but alas - they live in my heart.

Annawin - “I thought God lived in the miracles. But I met Him in the waiting. In the mornings with nothing new. In the pain of surrender when nothing made sense. But I trusted anyway.” I’ve spent time in the waiting rooms of life. Waiting for healing. Waiting for reconciliation. Waiting for a friendship to be renewed. Waiting for a phone call. Waiting for an invitation. Nothing to do but wait and trust. And it’s been in the waiting where I’ve grown stronger - wiser - calmer - dependent - more courageous.

Diane Keaton - “I never understood the idea that you’re supposed to mellow as you get older. Slowing down isn’t something I relate to at all. The goal is to continue in good and bad - in all of it………to continue to express myself……..to feel the world…….to explore…..to be with people……to risk……to love. I just want to know more and see more and feel more!” Don’t you love this? Do you just want to shout “hallelujah”! I do! Slowing down is not in my vocabulary! Continue. Live. Feel. Move. Love. Hug. Try. Smile.

Pastor Spencer - “In a compromised culture - I will stand for truth. In a cancelled culture - I will fight for others. In a self-centred culture, I will walk humbly with God.”

Jess Urlichs - “Can we put someone in power - who plants seeds and not fear? Makes sure every single person - at the table has a chair. Can we put someone in power - who leads with their heart - who builds bridges - not walls - to keep families apart? Can we put someone in power - who knows the weight of a cry - that shatters your soul - that breaks you inside? Can we put someone in power - who will mend and not break - doesn’t lead to feel big - who will give, not just take? Can we put someone in power - who is still willing to learn - use their fire for warmth - not to tear down and burn? Someone who cares about people and the smallest voice - not just profit and power - who gives people a choice? A person who feels the grief of another? Maybe the world should be ruled by a MOTHER.” No explanation needed!

See ya 6/7! Bring on 6/8!

FORTY FOUR YEARS A MOMMA

When, I was a little girl, I was asked the question “what do you want to be when you grow up?” - my answer was always the same - a mommy! I wanted a house full of children - sons and daughters. The answer to that question may have varied through the years - “a nurse but really a mom” - “a teacher, maybe but really a mom - always a mom!

After marrying Randy in June of 1979, we both finished our degrees at Tyndale Seminary and graduated in April of 1980. In September of that same year, we moved to Orillia, where Randy began his calling as the Associate pastor at First Baptist Church. He jumped right into his role and used his gifts with grace and love and fun. We looked forward to starting our family and I began to pray - like Hannah of the Old Testament - for a child - “O Lord of hosts - remember me - and my desire to have a child. Hannah continue to pray daily” and so did I - and in the early Spring of 1981, I knew a wee one was “on the way!” Randy and I were beyond excited! My prayers and desires and hopes and dreams of becoming a momma was coming to fruition.

I was “due” late December (1981) or early January. My pregnancy was uneventful - really - just normal. I loved my growing belly. I’ll never forget feeling those first flutterings of movement around the 4th month. We talked about names - Rebecca - for a girl but we couldn’t come up with a boy’s name. It was in my 8th month that I attended a pastor’s wives conference and met a woman - who had a son, named Zachary (God remembers). My parents arrived just after Christmas and since the baby was supposed to come any time - my Dad went back to Kingston to go to work and left Mom to stay with us to welcome our first child.

New Years came and went. I remember those days of waiting. Randy would go to the church office each morning and Mom and I would bundle up and walk and walk and walk - hoping to get my labour started. In the afternoons - Mom encouraged me to rest and she did odd jobs around the house for us. Finally - during the early hours of the morning of January 14th - the stirrings of early contractions woke us up. After labouring for the next 30 hours - Zachary Mark Jolliffe - weighing 8 pounds and 5 ounces - entered the world by Caesarean Section at 10:10 A.M. on Friday, January 15th, 1982. My dream of being a Momma was 23 years in the making and now - forty four years later - I wouldn’t change a thing.

“I am tender and fierce. I am soft and strong. I am fragile and courageous. Sometimes all in one day!” (HT)

Those early days of motherhood were truly blissful. I revelled in the joy of being Zac’s momma. The night feedings were my favourite - I’d make a cuppa - dim the living room lights - put the music on soft - and let my little nurse away. Sometimes we’d both doze off and Randy would come downstairs - turn out the lights - shut off the music - and - tuck us both back in bed. Those days passed all too quickly and soon we were counting Zac’s life in months rather than days. It wasn’t long before baby #2 was “on the way!” Joseph Benjamin (Ben) Jolliffe (God will increase) was born on Wednesday, April 6, 1983 at 9:42 am - again by Caesarean Section. Peter (Rock/Strength) Nathaniel Jolliffe was born on Monday, August 20, 1984 at 10:25 am. Our quiver was full! (Psalm 127:5)

Adam Grant said this about parenting - “Success as a parent is not determined by whether your kids get into elite schools or prestigious professions. The real test of parenting is not what children achieve, but who they become and how they treat others. We’ve been sold the wrong scoreboard. Parenting isn’t about impressive offers, packed resumes or applause. It’s about raising humans who are kind when no one is watching - who own their own mistakes - who speak up for others - who know their own worth without needing a spotlight. Success as a parent is measured by integrity - empathy - ability to love and be loved. Because raising a good human will always matter more than raising a high achiever. A child’s character will carry them further than their credentials.”

That was our goal - our dream - our purpose - our intention in raising our sons.

Our boys never knew a time when they didn’t have each other. They were so close in age. They went to the same schools - usually two of them in the same classroom. They played on the same baseball, basketball, soccer, football - (you name the sport) teams through the years. They played on worship teams together. They worked at camp IAWAH many - many summers - on staff together. They applauded each other. They challenged each other. They stood up for each other at their weddings and they stood side by side when they eulogized their beloved Dad. They always had each other and still do.

Randy and I were kids when we had our kids. We all grew up together. It was our intent to raise our sons to love God - love each other and themselves. We spent a good amount of time outside - going on hikes - playing road hockey - sand-lot baseball - water fights in the yard - camping - and summer vacation at my parent’s cottage in Westport. The boys learned to swim at the lake - (swimming lessons were in there too) - and canoe and catch frogs and fish and help Grampa stack wood. In the house - we played board games - read books - watched the Leafs and the Blue Jays and broke up more than a few tussles through the years. We also learned together - to live with grief when my brother died suddenly in the summer of ‘94 and then, when their beloved Gramma Jolliffe passed away in February of ‘95. Randy taught them how to love sacrificiously by loving me well. He taught them to be men.

Today - they are all loving husbands - sacrificial dads - faithful friends - but first - they were my sons. I am their Momma and for that I am truly grateful.

FOUR DAYS! THAT'S ALL IT TOOK!

Did you happen to read last week’s blog! It was about the word that I have chosen for this year! A word that I want to pursue more fully in my life.

That word?

Excellence

This is what I wrote last week! “It won’t be easy. In fact - I almost want to pick another word. An easier word. Like joy. Or gifting. Or friendship. Those words seem to me less difficult. Less in your face. However - I’m choosing to pursue excellence and I know it will put me to the test. How? Because everything will be a choice. Choosing grace when I’m offended. Choosing forgiveness when someone hurts me. Choosing resilience when relationships are testy. Choosing courage to step outside of my comfort zone. Choosing passion when I need to invest time and effort in something when I’d rather not. Choosing creativity to step outside the box and be different.”

Four days! And then I was smacked in the face! The incident happened out of the blue. The test came. I wasn’t prepared. I had no warning! I was blindsided. But happen it did. My reaction surprised me. There were tears and more tears. There was frustration (on my part). There was sadness. There was anger. And more tears. I couldn’t stop crying. My heart was broken again.

Should I have been surprised? Probably not! Was I? Absolutely. Remember the saying - “the best laid plans of mice and men?” This is a famous line from Robert Burn’s poem - “To a Mouse” - written in 1785. Apparently Burns accidentally destroyed a mouse’s nest while he was ploughing a field. It’s a reminder that life is unpredictable and no matter how much you plan - sometimes circumstances happen out of the blue and disrupt your goals - sabotage your intentions.

After some hours had passed - I texted a friend to see if she could go for a walk. And even though she had just returned from a long walk herself - of course - she agreed to meet me. Perhaps she sensed my urgency. Perhaps she sensed the static of my short text. Regardless, her response was “absolutely”. We walked and talked. She was not in a hurry to tell me what to do. She let me cry. She let me unburden myself. She was a comfort to my hurtin’ heart. We walked some more and we talked. We went further than we had planned and as we were nearing the end of our walk - her kind advice helped my head and heart connect. I would choose grace. I would choose resilience. I would choose courage.

Some of you know how much I love the teachings and quotes of C.S. Lewis. (Someday I will get to Oxford, England and visit the pub where Lewis and Tolkien hung out with their literary friends.) It’s called The Eagle and Child and this group - called the Inklings - met informally on Monday or Tuesday at lunchtime in a room nicknamed the “Rabbit Room.” Surely it was there they discussed their works-in-progress and sought each other’s advice.

About pursuing excellence - Lewis said that it is rooted in surrender. “The full acting out of the self’s surrender to God therefore demands pain: this action, to be perfect, must be done from the pure will to obey, in the absence, or in the teeth of inclination.” Surrendering the desire to be right - surrendering the desire to not overlook - surrendering the desire to go low - is painful - and just takes good old-fashioned gumption and grit and the will to be Christlike.

“I cannot always choose what happens to me but I can choose what happens in me.” (DW)

I still love my choice of my word of the year! I will pursue excellence. I will learn from this experience and I will grow stronger. I am stronger.

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WORD OF THE YEAR

For the last number of years I’ve picked a “word of the year”. It’s kind of like a new year’s resolution but not. In 2024 - I picked the word - JOURNEY.

2024 was certainly a journey for me - spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. I quoted my dad who once said to me - “Don’t just arrive at your destination - take time to enjoy the journey!” Funny that he said this as he was always in a hurry to get to the next place.

Another fabulous quote that I read early in 2024 - “And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year - Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown! He replied - ‘go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way!’” And travel with my hand in God’s hand I did and will continue to.

And so the JOURNEY of 2024 began. Harv and I (physically) visited our family and friends - it seemed we were either coming or going. Roadtrips were taken east - west - north and south. It always brings us great joy to spend time with our siblings in their homes - with our children and grandchildren in their homes - with friends - laughter during shared dinners - tears shed because of disappointments and losses - celebrating birthdays and anniversaries - watching hockey games and running races - basketball and volleyball games - we’re on the sidelines and in the stands.

Of course - the biggest journey of 2024 - was my trip to Spain with Zac and Ben - and our Camino walk. It brings back such strong memories for me. I want to go again. Any takers?

And then…….the word for 2025 was……

GATHER - so many opportunities for this word to come to fruition come to my mind - “to collect things - from different places” - “to put your arms around someone and hold and carry them in a careful and loving way” - “to become faster, stronger” - “to make a greater effort to be stronger and braver and more courageous” - “to make myself ready to do something special or difficult or challenging”.

Some similar words that come to my mind - assemble, congregate, combine, connect, merge, arrange, concentrate, join, rally, forage, understand, surmise - to name a few.

I’m excited to see how my word for 2025 plays out in my life.

Interesting - you betcha.

Challenging - always.

To quote my granddaughter - “Bring it on! I was born ready.”

And gather we did! Family and friends came to our home during the year - for a meal or two - for a night or two or three or more - for small group - for a coffee or tea or lemonade - for a beach day - for a quiet conversation - to meet up for a walk along Boiler Beach - to meet up for a bike ride. Sometimes the gatherings took place in the homes of my children and siblings and friends. All of those gatherings were treasured times - banking time and making memories.

Which brings us to today - the first day of 2026. Once again I’ve pondered - I’ve thought - I’ve gone back and forth - I’ve deliberated - and have decided on the word I want to focus on this year!

Excellence!

Recently I was asked by my pastor to lead the Tuesday morning prayer group and the topic I was given was one of our church’s key statements - excellence - we always bring our best!

I introduced the topic by comparing a Motel 6 to a 5-Star Hotel. Have you ever been to a motel - where the sheets are thin - where the bath towels are the size of tea towels - where there is a small container of watery shampoo but no conditioner or lotion - where there are stains on the carpet - where the drapes don’t quite meet and the parking lot lights shine in? You get the picture. Compare that to a 5 star - gold list hotel. The towels are thick and luxurious - the sheets are 1000 thread - the products include everything you could ever want - where there are no stains on the carpet - where everything smells fresh and new - the kind of place where you want to stay and stay and stay. What’s the difference. Excellence. You get what you pay for.

Two of my bible heroes come to my mind - Daniel (as in the lion’s den) and Ruth (as in “where you go I will go”)! This is what is said about Daniel - “then this Daniel became distinguished above all the other high officials and satraps because an ‘excellent’ spirit was in him.” About Ruth it was said - “now my daughter - do not fear. I will do for you whatever you ask - for all my people in the city know that you are a woman of ‘excellence’”!

Both Daniel and Ruth lived a life - above par - they didn’t settle for mediocre. Daniel chose to obey the teachings of his youth in a strange and foreign land. Ruth learned the teachings of her mother-in-law (after the death of her husband) and chose to make those teachings her own. They both lived in selfless devotion to God. They both lived faithful lives even when there were no angelic visits and no appearances from the heavenly hosts.

The Greek word translated “excellent” comes from “diaphero”which means “transport” or “differ”. These words encourage us to ascend above the norm - to be different through the qualities of virtue and goodness.

My desire this year is to aspire to bring my best - to have and excellent spirit - at home - on the pickle ball court - at church - with my family - with strangers - and with my friends. I want to pursue truth, honour, justice, worth and bravery. I hope to let go of self-reliance, pride and control - I want to put aside my own plans, desires and ego.

George Mueller said - “There was a day when I died. Died to George Mueller: his tastes, his opinions, his preferences, and his will. Died to the world and its approval and censure. died to the approval or blame of my brethren and friends. I only study to show myself approved by God.”

It’s not easy. In fact - I almost want to pick another word. An easier word. Like joy. Or gifting. Or friendship. Those words seem to me less difficult. Less in your face. However - I’m choosing to pursue excellence and I know it will put me to the test. How? Because everything will be a choice. Choosing grace when I’m offended. Choosing forgiveness when someone hurts me. Choosing resilience when relationships are testy. Choosing courage to step outside of my comfort zone. Choosing passion when I need to invest time and effort in something when I’d rather not. Choosing creativity to step outside the box and be different.

C.S.Lewis said this about excellence. “The full acting out of the self’s surrender to God therefore demands pain: this action, to be excellent, must be done from the pure will to obey, in the absence, or in the teeth of inclination.”

These three things I do know - - - - excellence is a goal worth pursuing - - - - there is a cost in pursing excellence and it is rooted in surrender - - - - a life of excellence must be portrayed in every day life.

THAT VERY FIRST CHRISTMAS

I’ve heard the story of the first Christmas for 67 years now. Probably you have too. I’ve sung the Christmas carols. Probably you have too. I’ve gone to countless Christmas Eve services and probably you have too. I feel like I know the characters in the story really well and maybe you do too - but maybe we still have things to learn about them. Maybe they are more human than we make them out to be. Maybe they are just like us - but were part of the greatest event that has ever happened on this earth in all of history. So - one more time ….enjoy my thoughts about them. If you have never met these people - well then - today’s the day - to meet the primary men and women who first met the baby Jesus - and then later - the child Jesus.

Matthew 1:18-25 “Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way! When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, ‘Joseph , son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins. All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet: (Behold a virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his hame Immanuel - which means God with us!) When Joseph woke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him: he took his wife, but knew her not until she had given birth to a son. And he called his name - Jesus.”

Joseph - was young - probably a teenager still - a carpenter by trade. He made things. Measured twice. Cut once. He planned things. Get betrothed to his beautiful Mary. Marry her when the betrothal was completed. Just a normal teenager - anxious to get on with life with his sweetheart. Everything was prefect - until it wasn’t. Everything was normal - until it wasn’t. After Joseph hears Mary’s news - pregnant (and he knew he wasn’t the father) - by law - he could have divorced her. He could have abandoned her. He could have sent her packing right back to her parents - in shame and in embarrassment. But he didn’t. He was a righteous man. Before Joseph gets an angel. Before Joseph gets a sign. Before Joseph gets a dream. He has already chosen to be a godly man. Way to go - Joe! You did the right thing. You took Mary as your wife. You honoured your God. You named the baby Jesus. Hey Joseph! Nobody clapped for you but Heaven noticed your obedience to God and your love for Mary.

Luke 1:26-38 “In the 6th month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. And the virgin’s name was Mary. And the angel came to her and said, “Greetings, O favoured one, the Lord is near you!” But she was greatly troubled at the saying and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be. And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favour with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?” And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirt will come upon you and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy - the Sons of God. And Mary said - “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word. And the angel departed from her.”

Mary - a young girl - a teenager! Just living life! Learning from her mother how to eventually run her own household. Betrothed to Joseph. Counting the days until the betrothal would be permanent. Longing to be married. Dreaming of her wedding day - as every young, engaged girl does. Pining. Couldn’t wait to be Joseph’s wife. Until the unthinkable happens. An angel appeared and everything changed. All of Israel had been waiting for 400 years to hear from God about the prophesied Messiah but to Mary it must have been unimaginable that she was the chosen one. And yet! She was. Her response was one of trust over fear - obedience over disbelief - surrender over rejection. Mary didn’t live by her feelings - she lived by faith. Way to go Mary. Thank you that you didn’t give into your fears - that you trusted in the teaching of your people - that you went with Joseph to a strange town and gave birth to the Son of God in a barn. Thank you that you were wise beyond your years. Thank you for your mother’s heart.

Luke 1:5-23 “In the days of Herod, king of Judea, there was a priest named Zechariah. And he had a wife - Elizabeth - and they were both righteous before God. But they had no child. Now while Zechariah was serving as priest, he was chosen by lot to enter the temple of the Lord and burn incense. And there appeared to him an angel of the Lord standing on the right side of the altar of incense. Zechariah was troubled and fear fell upon him. But the angel said - “ Do not be afraid, Zechariah, for your prayer has been heard and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall call his name John. And Zechariah said to the angel - “How shall I know this? For I am an old man, and my wife is advanced in years?’ And the angel answered him - “I am Gabriel. I stand in the Presence of God and I was sent to speak to you and to bring you this good news!” And behold, you will be silent and unable to speak until the day that these things take place, because you did no believe my words, which will be fulfilled in their time.” And when he came out, he was unable to speak to them and the people realized that he had seen a vision in the temple. After these days his wife Elizabeth conceived.”

Zechariah - you were a priest - godly man - righteous - blameless in observing the commandments and ordinances of the Lord. Waiting. For the Messiah. Waiting for your own child. You remind us that God is always working in the waiting. You remind us that waiting is never wasted. God may have been silent for a very long time but He was not still. Way to go Zechariah! Yes! You doubted the angel’s proclamations. Yes! You doubted that your wife would still conceive! Yes! You were silenced by the angel Gabriel. But even in your doubting - your prayers for your own child would be answered and your calling as a priest is still recognized 2000 years later.

Luke 1:39-45 “In those days Mary arose and went with haste into the hill country, to a town in Judah and she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. And when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the baby leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit and she exclaimed with a loud cry, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! And why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For behold, when the sound of your greeting came to my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.”

Elizabeth - you were an old woman when we first meet you - childless - feeling and knowing that shame - longing - lonely - but still full of faith and love for your God. You were surprised when your relative, Mary, arrived on your doorstep when you were six months into your own pregnancy and you welcomed her with open arms. You had waited so long! You prayed. You hoped. And finally it was happening. And yet - when Mary arrived - everything changed for you. You were so excited for Mary. Your spirit knew something was very different about Mary’s baby. You had a very specific revelation about the child in Mary’s womb. You called him “my Lord.” Way to go Elizabeth! You supported - encouraged and celebrated Mary’s pregnancy above your own. I can only imagine the conversations you enjoyed with young Mary during the three months you spent together. An older woman. A young teenager. Both pregnant in unusual ways. Both carrying very special cargo. After you gave birth to your son - the relatives wanted you to name him after your husband but you insisted that his name would be “John”. Thank you for reminding us to be Elizabeth’s to all the Mary’s we meet. I’m that “older” woman now. Help me to be aware of the “Mary’s” in my life - encourage them - love them - support them.

Luke 2:25-32 “Now there was a man in Jerusalem, whose name was Simeon and this man was righteous and devout, waiting for the consolation of Israel and the Holy Spirit was upon him. And it had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not see death before he had seen the Lord’s Christ. And he came into the temple and when the parents brought in the child Jesus, to do for him according to the custom of the Law, he (Simeon) took him up in his arms and blessed God and said - “Lord, now you are letting your servant depart in peace, according to your word; for my eyes have seen your salvation that you have prepared in the presence of all peoples, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel.”

Simeon - you were an upright and devout God follower all of your life - hard to do in that first century - the rule of the Roman occupation was not easy - but you lived your faith anyway. You were waiting to see the Messiah. God promised you would see Him before you died. And then one day it happened - I wonder if you woke up that morning thinking that “today would be the day” or did you anticipate that everyday? Did you arrive at the temple every morning expectant? I think you did. It was going to be a celebration day for you. Way to go, Simeon. Your example of waiting with anticipation is something we should be doing too. You were calmly expectant. “One look into the face of Jesus and you knew the hope of your life had been fulfilled. One look into the face of our Saviour and we will know the same.” (Max Lucado)

Luke 2:36-38 “And there was a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was advanced in years, having lived with her husband seven years from when she was a virgin and then she was a widow until she was eighty-four. She did not depart from the temple, worshiping with fasting and prayer night and day. And coming up at that very hour she began to give thanks to God and to speak of him to all who were waiting for the redemption of Jerusalem.”

Anna - you were there at the temple too - on the 8th day of Jesus’ life - when Joseph and Mary brought him to the temple for the purification. You had been married for only seven years. Seven years! And then your husband died. You were such a young widow. We don’t even know your husband’s name. No children are mentioned. It is believed you were a widow for 84 years which meant you were close to 100 years old. You spent every day of all those years - at the temple - praying and fasting - night and day. Waiting! (Seems to be a theme here). Way to go Anna! What joy you must have felt when you saw the Messiah with your own eyes. And what was your response? Thanksgiving. Your whole being was consumed with gratefulness. And to everyone who would listen, you spoke of the redemption for Israel. Makes me want to do the same.

Luke 2:8-21 “And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with great fear. And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” The shepherds said to one another - “Let’s go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us. And they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph and the baby lying in a manger. And when they saw it, they made known the saying that had been told them concerning this child. And all who heard it wondered at what the shepherd told them. And the shepherds returned (to their flocks). glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them.”

Shepherds - “The night was ordinary until it wasn’t. The sky was ordinary. Until it wasn’t. The sheep were ordinary. The shepherds were ordinary. And then God hooked on an EXTRA at the beginning of that word. Had He not - everything would have stayed the same. But God dances among the common and that night He did a waltz. The sky exploded with brightness. Sheep baaed with curiosity. Shepherds awoke. The night was ordinary no longer.” (Max Lucado)

Shepherds - scruffy peasant men watching over a bunch of common sheep - wearing all the clothes they owned because it was cold - a winter night. You probably smelled like your sheep - pretty stinky. You were conscientious - some were dozing but one or two of you must have been awake - keeping their eyes on the flock. You are nameless. Way to go - Shepherds! Even though you must have been in shock when the angel appeared and gave you a message - and more shock when the skies were filled with a multitude of heavenly host praising God - you instantly decided to head into Bethlehem and find the Baby. When you found Mary and Joseph and the Baby (just as the angel said) - you purposed to tell everyone you met about your “God-moment”. Thank you for not keeping it to yourself. Thank you for being brave. Thank you for your example - showing us that our response must also be to - glorify and praise to God.

Matthew 2:1-12 “Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, wise men from the east came to Jerusalem, saying - “Where is he who has been born king of the Jews? For we saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.” When Herod the king heard this, he was troubled and all Jerusalem with him; and assembling all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he inquired of them where the Christ was to be born. They told him - “In Bethlehem of Judea.” Then Herod summoned the wise men secretly and ascertained from them what time the star had appeared. And he sent them to Bethlehem, saying, “Go and search diligently for the child, and when yo have found him, bring me word, that I too may come and worship him. After listening to the king, they went on their way. And behold, the star that they had seen when it rose went before them until it came to rest over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy. And going into the house, they saw the child with Mary his mother and they fell down and worshiped him. Then, opening their treasures, they offered him gifts of gold and frankincense and myrrh. And being warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they departed to their own country by another way.”

Wisemen - were there three of you? Tradition says so. Probably because three gifts are mentioned. Some say that your names were Melchior, Gaspar and Balthazar. We know you were scholars from the East - probably Persia. You followed a star for a very long time. You wandered for months - perhaps years - always looking to the sky! Seeking the new King. You had gifts to give Him. I imagine Mary and Joseph and the child - Jesus - now a toddler - were in wonder when you entered their house. Way to go - wisemen. Thank you for not ever giving up. It’s a reminder to me to do the same. Keep seeking. Keep asking. Keep following - not a star - but the King of Kings. Thank you for offering your gifts to the young Child. It reminds me to offer gifts too - my time - my energy - my presence - my faith - my love - my worship.

My Christmas wish this year - - -

Obey like Joseph!

Surrender like Mary!

Pray likfe Zechariah!

Cheer like Elizabeth!

Wait like Simeon!

Give thanks like Anna!

Rejoice like Shepherds!

Worship like Wise Men!

2025 IN REVIEW

JANUARY! Harv and I celebrated my 67th birthday in Antigua at the Grand Pineapple Resort!

FEBRUARY! Record snow days! So much snow! Cancelled busses - 30 school days missed this winter because of snow!

MARCH! Harv and I visited Curacao for the month. It was hot - sunny - beautiful - and wonderful. Julie and I climbed a mountain. We swam in the beautiful sea. Friends from Port Elgin were on a cruise and stopped at the island for a day.

APRIL! House Renos complete. Visits with the fam!

MAY! Sara participated in the Canadian music championships in Toronto. I was so very proud of all the kids as they did “their thing”. Ottawa J’s participated in the Ottawa marathon weekend.

JUNE! Graduations! Track meets! Beach days! Pickle Ball!

JULY! Picnics! Swimming! Canada Day! Pickle Ball!

AUGUST! Camp Jolliffe! Go - Karting! Pickle Ball! Lake Huron.

SEPTEMBER! Back to school! Sibling Reunion! Blue Jays Game! 1,000 island cruise at Brockville.

OCTOBER! Thanksgiving!

NOVEMBER! Harv’s birthday! 5 km run! Women’s conference!

DECEMBER! Christmas prep! Sister Sue’s birthday party! Pickle Ball tournament! Full moons! School sports!

And that’s a wrap on the old year - the last full moon of the year - setting over the lake!

Each and every Sunday our Pastor closes the service with this verse - “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)

Truly this past year - God has given me hope - mixed in joy and peace - as I continue in my journey.

TRUST THE DETOUR

“Perhaps some detours aren’t detours at all. Perhaps they are actually the path”. (Katherine Wolf)

I’ve been thinking a lot about my sister, Sue, this week. You see - today she turns 80! Her “fourscore” has arrived. She was born right at the end of the second world war - the third child to our parents - six more children would complete our family over the next 13 years - me - being the last! Being the youngest in our great big family - I’ve watched the lives of my siblings unfold - I’ve watched their comings and goings - their ups and downs - their gains and losses - their joys and sorrows - their straight and narrows - their wide detours. I’ve had the benefit to learn and grow with them and because of them.

Sue and Harry and their family have lived great adventures. In their early days of marriage - they worked at private colleges - where Harry taught and Susan nursed. Later, Harry pursued his calling into the local church ministry and that path led them to the Parry Sound area. Harry pastored and Sue continued in her nursing career in a doctor’s office. For twenty - five years +, Sue was a beacon of strength to her patients - exhibiting kindness and grace and love. (Fun fact! Sue worked for a doctor - D.C. - who is the father of my daughter-in-law, Jen. Her dad quoted at the time when Jen told her parents she was newly dating - “any nephew of Susan Kleinhuis must be a good man!” Thanks Sue)

Harry and Sue were expecting their second child in the summer of ‘69 - living near Edmonton, Alberta. Dad and Mom told us kids (Phil, Tim and I) - pack your bags! We’re driving west this summer. What an adventure. What a long car ride. I spent most of it lying on the back window ledge - staring at the great, big sky. (No seatbelts in those days). We left Cornwall on a beautiful - summer July morning - and drove to Sault Saint Marie - where we camped at Pancake Bay on Lake Superior. The rain started before the campfire was out - and rain it did - hard - all night - everything was soaking wet. The next morning I remember sitting in the car while Dad and Mom packed up the tent trailer - because that’s what parents do. We were off for Day Two. We had driven north for about an hour or two (in the driving rain) when the traffic came to an abrupt stop. Nothing was moving. And then - we saw that cars were turning around and heading south. The culprit - a washed out bridge. No one would be moving north that day nor for several weeks until that bridge was repaired. Dad turned the car and tent trailer around and back to the “Sault” we went - crossed the bridge to the USA and travelled west that way.

My first detour in life. I watched my parents take the change of plans in hand - perhaps frustrated at first - but then - taking it all with great grace - restraint and acceptance. A lesson that I needed to learn early in life because I would certainly face my own detours in the years to come.

Many, many years later - after graduating from Seminary (both Randy and I finished our undergraduate degrees in 1980) - after pastoring in our first church for almost eight years - after the birth of our three sons - after pastoring our second church for eleven years - we would soon receive a call from a church in Cambridge to begin our ministry there. We moved our three teen-aged sons to this new location - fully expecting to have a long, wonderful experience.

(Caution - Detour Ahead!)

Fifteen months later - we were voted out - let go - fired! It seemed like a bad dream. A nightmare really. We weren’t wanted. The church was dumping us. To this day - the reasons seem so lame. None - the - less - the church called a “confidence vote” and we didn’t get the necessary percentage to continue. (Not that we have wanted to with only 60 % of the church in our corner). Our sons were in grade 9, 10 and 11 at the time and they were rockstars through this whole experience. The kids were so supportive to us. Our friends and family stood with us. Detour. Not what we expected. Not what we wanted. Not what we had planned. My only prayer at the time was for our boys! How I prayed they would not be disillusioned with the local church. I loved the church - I still do. It has stood strong and firm for 2,000 years and continues to today. It’s just that - sometimes people get in the way of things that are really good. That detour led to another opportunity for ministry in the same city - where we prospered - where we encouraged men and women and children - where our sons thrived - and we grew in grace and wisdom and forgiveness.

“God is more interested in your development than your arrival. He cares more for your character than your comfort - your purity than your productivity.” (Dr. Tony Evans)

I absolutely love a particular story in the Bible - it’s found in John 4. Jesus and His disciples were on their way back to Galilee and it’s reported that Jesus took a major detour. "Now He had to go through Samaria”. Most everyone at that time knew that “respectable people” avoided Samaria. It was a rough area - the “other side of the tracks” kind of place - but someone was waiting there - someone who needed the Saviour’s touch - someone who needed to hear about “the living water” - someone who lived a life of shame - a life where others avoided her - she needed someone to be nice to her - and it would be Jesus. That detour led to a changed life. For the Woman at the Well - what first appeared to be a detour by Jesus, was indeed the most enriching experience of her life. She was forever changed.

In the last ten days or so - a detour has come my way. Mostly everyone who knows me - knows my passion is pickle ball - but you can’t play pickle ball if you have a “knife” sticking in your knee - at least that’s what it feels like. So I’m taking some time off! I’m on the couch - icing - resting - physio - trying to heal. I’m hoping and trusting this detour doesn’t last too long! I miss my pb friends. I miss the activity. I miss the adrenaline rush. But - I’m embracing this time - with grace and patience. I will heal.

Where I am today is no accident. God is using the situation I’m in right now to shape me and to prepare me for the place He wants to bring into tomorrow. I must trust Him with the plan.

My Dad once told me - “Martha - enjoy the journey - including the detours - just to arrive at the destination!” I hear you loud and clear - Dad! I’m listening. I know there is a lesson in here somewhere and I don’t want to miss it.

SAY IT NOW

“What if the people that mattered to you, the people you love and are grateful for, what if they are gone tomorrow? There is no benefit in waiting. This is your moment, so say it now.” 

I was listening to a podcast recently with Dr. Peter Attia (one of my favourite podcasters) who was discussing the impact of gratitude - serving others - embracing mortality and living intentionally. His guest was - Walter Green - author of the “Say It Now” movement. Walter spoke of his challenging childhood - discussed the impact that his father’s death at the age of 53 made on him - and how he was embracing mortality with a desire to finish strong. His movement shares insights on how to live intentionally - how to prioritize relationships - and - how to focus on others.

On the podcast - Green spoke of his year-long journey - mostly throughout the States but also other parts of the world - to visit 44 people who had significantly impacted his life. He talked about a time a friend asked him to organize a “celebration of life” after his passing. Green declined - and instead - convinced his friend to have a “living tribute” before he passed. The friend’s nearest and dearest gathered to celebrate how much he’d meant in their lives.

In 1922 - Green - formally launched the Say It Now movement.

Why do we wait to tell someone how much they mean to us? Why do we delay sharing words that can uplift another person? Why do we miss opportunities to enrich the lives of others? Why do we live we regrets?

Green encourages his listeners to break the cycle of postponement and to take action - by writing a letter - making a phone call - or meeting face to face. He wants us to create a cycle of intention and acknowledgement. He wants us to think and reflect on those who have helped us along the way - those who’ve made a difference in our lives!

Don’t assume you have time.

After listening to this podcast - I’ve been thinking of several people who have impacted my life and I’ve never taken the time to tell them. So…………here we go!

My high school math teacher - Mr. Marc S. Thank you for your encouragement through a very difficult grade 13 Functions class. I had already dropped Calculus and desperately wanted to drop the Functions class but you asked me to come in at lunchtime so you could tutor me - to explain things - over and over again. Thank you for not treating me like the dummy I was. Thank you for speaking to me in language that I could understand. Thank you for the many discussions we had besides math - conversations about religion - family - post secondary education - sports - politics - and the meaning of life. Thank you that you listened to and encouraged a young woman’s idealistic chatter and prattle and never once belittled me. You meant the world to me. I remember visiting you years later - you had moved on from teaching and were working for the school board. I arrived unannounced at your office - with my three wee sons - and you stopped what you were doing to catch up with me! You interacted with my boys and let them roam around in your office. You didn’t speak down to me for choosing motherhood over a career. Thank you. It was a fine hour together. By now - you will be older and grayer! I hope you are well and living out your life to the fullest.

Next………Mr. Ralph M…………..the organist and choir director at the church our family attended when I was a child. Thank you for instilling me the love of music at such a young age. I used to look up at the choir loft from my seat in the congregation and long for the day when I could join - when I could wear the white gown with the purple collar. You had to be in grade three to be in the junior choir. I could hardly wait. I learned so much from you. I learned to breathe in the right places - where the commas were - not in the middle of a two syllable word - how to sing in harmony - how to add dynamics to the music - but most important - how to tell the story I was singing so that my listeners would be drawn in. Thank you for giving me opportunities to sing solos and duets. Thank you for teaching me to love the old Hymns - to understand the theology that made these songs so strong and believable. I remember the year you organized a cantata for the teens and young adults in our church. It was amazing and we even “took it on the road”. I still remember the lyrics to some of those songs. You didn’t know it at the time - but you were the reason I became a music teacher of both voice and piano. You were the reason I led Christmas concerts at the churches I attended and the schools I taught at. You were the reason I still sing the hymns and songs I learned as a child. I’m sorry I never had the chance to tell you. You are long gone now - already in heaven - someday when I see you - I will tell you these things and more.

Another one………..Marie C………..friend and mentor when I was a young mom. Hi Marie. I want to thank you for taking me under your wing when I was a young mother with 3 little boys. You were a few years older and wiser and had parented for a number of years already. Thank you for spending time with me and my sons. Thank you for all the wonderful suppers you cooked for us to enjoy in your beautiful home. Thank you for taking my two older kids when my youngest was born - so I could enjoy quiet times with my newborn and get some much needed sleep. Thank you - because you were generous and caring - for taking me shopping every few months to help with my very pitiful wardrobe. You wanted me to “look” the part of a pastor’s wife and knew I couldn’t afford to shop on our salary. I’ll never forget that beautiful blue dress you purchased for me and those gorgeous heels - I felt amazing in that outfit and wore it for years. Thank you for opening up your home to us for two weeks when we visited you in California. You said “come” and that we did…….all five of us for our vacation. We laughed and cried and shared the stories after being apart for a few years. That vacation to LA is forever cemented in my brain. Thank you for sending a lovely card when Randy passed away. What a great blessing you were to me. You shared at that time that your life was in a good place - I trust it still is.

One more……….my brother - Tim…………You were three years - my senior. I never knew a time you weren’t in my life. You were my hero. You were my playmate. You were my sounding board. You’ve been gone for 31 years. Your death was such a shock to our family. It was so unexpected. We grieved and mourned for so long. I never had the chance to say how much I loved you and how thankful I was for you in my life. Thank you for walking to school with me when you could have raced ahead to be with your friends. Thank you for encouraging me to join the badminton club - even though I was the youngest of the neighbourhood group - you wanted me there too. Thank you for inviting me to go running with you and your friends. Thank you for cheering me when I was playing high school sports. I knew you were in the crowd of supporters. Thank you for being a groomsman at my first wedding. You stood - proud - in the row of groomsmen - supporting Randy on our wedding day. Thank you for coming all the way south from Red Lake (even though you did forget to get my honeymoon luggage out of your trunk and into Randy’s trunk.) Thank you for the visits you made to our home after we were both married with kids and also opening your home to us for summer vacations. We had so much fun together. Two young couples - with littles all around. I watched you - as you loved Lorraine - as you loved Scott and Jillian - as you worked hard in the north - as you visited Mom and Dad as often as you could - as you took a leadership role in your church and northern community - I watched and admired you. I never told you and you’ve been gone for so long. I look forward to the day we are reunited. Love you so much big Bro.

I’m so thankful that on the morning over 11 years ago - the morning Randy collapsed while running and never regained consciousness - that we hadn’t left anything unsaid. We were pretty prompt at talking through disagreements and working things out. We had regular chats about our marriage - where we were at - how each of us was doing. I’m forever grateful. No regrets. Nothing left unsaid.

Randy and I both loved Asian Food and at one particular restaurant in Alliston they gave out candies - the ones that were wrapped in green cellophane. Both of us always took the candies (even though we didn’t like them) and then hid them around the house for the other to find. In the underwear drawer! In the tool box! In amongst my makeup! They always showed up. Imagine my surprise months after Randy’s passing to find one of those cellophane wrapped candies in the toe of my winter boot. I laughed and cried all at the same time. It was our game. It was our love language. It was who we were. Even after Randy was in heaven - he was saying it!

SAY IT NOW. Your peeps need to hear your words of love - of thanksgiving - of gratefulness. They need to hear why they were instrumental in your life - how they helped you become who you are today.

Don’t delay. Tomorrow isn’t promised.

THE NICENE CREED

The purpose of a creed is to provide a doctrinal statement of correct belief among Christians amid controversy. The original Nicene Creed was first adopted at the First Council of Nicaea in 325. A group of theologians and scholars met and 218 words later - a succinct definition of Christianity was put on paper and has been recited ever since - in churches - cathedrals and homes - all around the world.

I find it interesting that for the 1700 years since the Nicene Creed was penned - mankind still struggles to define what they believe about God. According to C.S. Lewis - people usually fall into three categories concerning their belief in God - “People think that Jesus is either a liar - a lunatic - or Lord!” Sometimes I’m asked what I believe - why I believe - why God is such an important part of my life. Sometimes people think I’m crazy. Sometimes they want to hear more. Sometimes they want God part of their life too. Perhaps you grew up - reciting this creed or a creed like it - in the church you attended.

For the past ten weeks the Pastors at my church have taken the Creed - broken it down - explained it - recited it - and sought to instil the truths of it in our hearts and minds. I have not done a study on this creed or any other creed for a very long time and each week - I eagerly anticipated the upcoming section that would be studied.

We believe in one God, the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all things visible and invisible.

And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only Son of God. Light from Light. True God from true God, begotten, not made; of the same essence as the Father. Through Him all things were made. For us and for our salvation He came down from heaven; He became incarnate by the Holy Spirit and the virgin Mary - was made human. He was crucified for us under Pontius Pilate. He suffered and was buried. The third day He rose again, according to the Scriptures. He ascended to heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again with glory to judge the living and the dead. His Kingdom will never end.

And we believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life. He proceeds from the Father and the Son. And, with the Father and the Son is worshipped and glorified. He spoke through the prophets.

We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic church. We affirm one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. We look forward to the resurrection of the dead and to life in the world to come. Amen.

I love to take notes when the Pastor is preaching - so the following are some of my favourite quotes form the last ten weeks.

Be grounded in the truth not emotion.

My truth affects my behaviour.

What you believe determines how you live.

Everything is created on purpose and with purpose.

If you stand for nothing - you’ll fall for anything.

Christ is either the Creator or the created! What I believe determines how I live.

Jesus is not made by God but God made known.

I stand between the Resurrection and the Return.

Live today as if it’s my last day.

Baptism isn’t a confession of perfection. It’s a confession of redemption.

My story doesn’t end in the grave.

Augustine - “You have made us for yourself O Lord - our hearts are restless until they rest in You.”

C.S. Lewis - “ The Son of God became a man to enable men to become sons of God.”

Athanasius - “Christ became what we are so that He might make us what He is.”

Resurrection tells us death doesn’t win. Renewal tells us brokenness doesn’t win. Eternity tells us separation doesn’t win. Heaven doesn’t contain God. God contains heaven.

I’m thankful for my heritage - for my grandparents and parents who lived their faith in front of me - who faithfully taught it to me - who encouraged me to embrace it and make it my own. I’m thankful for faithful pastors - who take the responsibility of preaching - seriously - who teach the whole truth.

“And I am certain that God who began the good work within me - will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”

THE WOMAN'S CONFERENCE

I haven’t been to a woman’s conference in years - COVID got in the way - of so many things really! But when I heard that Beth Moore was coming to Toronto - my sister - Brenda - and I got tickets immediately. That was last April. For the last 7 months, we’ve anticipated the gathering. (Gather is my word for 2025 so it seemed fitting to “gather” with a large group of women before the year was finished). Almost 2,000 of us in one large auditorium to sing and be encouraged.

I’ve been to several women’s conferences in my day. A few in particular stand out. Once I travelled with Brenda and two Cambridge friends to a Women of Faith conference in Columbus Ohio. It was 2009! It was just months after Randy and I were “let go” from our church and we’re enjoying a sabbatical year in Westport, Ontario. The conference was a healing weekend - laughter with my “sisters” and tears of release or the pain and humiliation. The music and speakers poured God’s love into me that weekend and I came away refreshed.

The second conference that comes to mind - was shortly after Randy passed away. My friends encouraged me to attend a smaller, more intimate weekend in the Muskokas. It was only 4 months! My heart was so tender and the grief was plausible. From the very first song of the evening - I knew I wouldn’t last. From the opening remarks of the speaker (not her fault but she was speaking on marriage and the husband/wife relationship) I was doomed. I didn’t last. My friend packed up my suitcase and drove me home. I wasn’t ready. It was too much.

Beth Moore! You may wonder who she is. She is a wife - mother - author - and bible teacher. She founded (along with her husband, Keith) Living Proof Ministries - an organization meant to teach women. She speaks at arena events and has written countless books and Bible study guides. The Toronto event was her last engagement for the year.

Part of the weekend was spent seeing and visiting with friends I hadn’t seen in years……having pastored in 4 different communities over 35 years of church ministry - I’ve met a lot of people - 1980 - 1987 (Orillia) - 1987 - 1998 (Listowel) - 1998 - 2009 (Cambridge) - 2010 -2014 (Alliston). The churches we served in provided friendships that last to this day.

Beth Moore spoke on 1 Corinthians 13. “Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not self-seeking and is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects - always trusts - always hopes - always persevere.”

The title of her weekend message was - Love Amid No Pretty Little Life! Love is not an option and not many of us have a perfect life. In fact - most of our lives are messy. Most of our lives have difficult seasons and most of our lives have messy and difficult people to deal with. Sometimes the messiness and difficulties are right inside of us.

In the midst of this messiness - Beth encouraged us - that while our hearts may be fragile, our love must be fierce. It is not without emotion. It is not without passion. It is not without sentiment or reaction. But it is resilient. Strong. Tough. Hardy. I’m reminded of the story Jesus told of a Dad - who gave an inheritance to his youngest son. The young man left home and squandered all the money on parties - women - and wild living but soon was penniless. Meanwhile the Dad was back home - watching and waiting - for his son’s return - not knowing if it would ever happen. I imagine that evening after evening - he sat in his rocking chair - on his front porch - scanning the long driveway - hopeful - watching for his beloved to return. And then one day it happened - the prodigal returned - but instead of scolding - the Dad threw a celebration. His heart had been broken but his love remained sturdy.

Next Beth showed us - that a love so inclined is of no human origin. We must pursue love as a hunter chases after his prey. This kind of love doesn’t come naturally. It’s easy to love the lovely. It’s easy to get along with the nice ones. But - what about the prickly ones? The crabby ones? The ones that irritate? Crochety? Snarky? Snippy? Ah! Loving those takes extraordinary love. It may not be easy but it is doable.

Before Friday night was over - Beth shared - that this love is first received not achieved. We cannot extend to others what we don’t possess ourselves. We read out loud together - all 1600 women - 1 Corinthians 13 - as a prayer - receiving the words as if God were speaking them directly to us. Beth encouraged us to receive these words from Scripture as a gift. We can’t earn them. We can’t buy them. We can’t steal them from someone else. They are given to us in order for us to pass on to others.

That was Friday night.

Brenda and I went to our hotel for the night. We laughed and talked but soon dimmed the lights and were fast asleep. Once in the night I woke to hear Brenda mumbling something - I wish I could have understood her garble. It was such a joy to spend the time together. It doesn’t happen often enough anymore. I love her. She has always led the way for both of us.

Saturday morning!

It doesn’t matter that there are some people who don’t like me - some who don’t love me. It’s okay. It’s absolutely okay.

I am loved by the God of the universe. Can that be enough? Absolutely. Everything else is gravy!

Love has to recognize that sometimes you have to withdraw for a time. That’s also absolutely okay.

Deal with differences immediately. Don’t go to sleep at night if you are in a disagreement with a loved one. Once the difficulty has been talked through - dealt with - never bring it up again. It’s done! Never keep a list of wrongs! God doesn’t! Why should we?

Love has a face and one day we will see Him - God our Father! Heaven awaits.

There are 32 days left of this old year. Time enough to change some habits or reinforce these life lessons. Perhaps live different than the last 333 days. Live them realizing how precious your life is and the lives of your immediate family and close friends. Finish this year strong. Don’t focus on the past - mistakes that were made - harsh words were spoken that perhaps were better left unsaid! Focus on now. Give yourself a blank slate and colour it with love.

KINDNESS FOR THE WIN

My mom used to say - “If you don’t have anything nice to say - don’t say it at all!”

Last weekend I was in Kitchener - running a 5 km for the first time since I had a hamstring injury over 6 years ago. I haven’t done much running at all since that time. You see - my right hamstring works at approximately 20% according to the physiotherapist who initially rehabbed me. Over the years - as I’ve attended the gym regularly - trying to strengthen it - trying to get it back to where it was or at least close - trying - trying - trying - it’s been to no avail. My gait is weird. My pace is slow. My right hip and calf have to compensate and they don’t like it. But - what a joy it’s been to be outside again - pounding the pavement - smelling the smells - feeling my breathing regulate - preparing!

I ran the Remembrance Run at Riverside Park in Cambridge with my friend - Heather! We were reflecting on and commemorating her one year pronouncement of a cancer diagnosis and the fact that although, there have been struggles and difficulties this past year - she has persevered and fought and embraced life on a new level.

The day dawned sunny and cold. Perfect. No snow! No rain! Dry! Great conditions for a autumn run through the park.

As we lined up at the start line - I took a moment to reflect on past races…..5 kms…..8 kms……10kms……..half marathons…….triathlons! So many races through the years. So many hill training runs. So many pace runs. So many gruelling long Saturday runs. So many easy runs! So many conversations where me and my running buddies solved the problems of the world. I remembered my personal best times…. a 22:38 5 km… a sub two hour half marathon… a 49:55 10 km……..placing in the top three in my age group…….good memories.

Saturday would be an ordinary day! An ordinary run but extraordinary in another sense. I didn’t expect a fast pace. I couldn’t. I didn’t expect placing in my age group. I wouldn’t. Saturday was all about running with my friend.

I ran - (hobbled ackwardly) - and enjoyed the beauty of the park. Heather ran strong. I had my eye on her the whole way - just about 100 meters behind her. I actually finished with a time better than my training times. I was pleased. I found Heather at the finish line and we embraced! Emotions were streaming down her face.

Imagine my surprise when right after this photo was taken - someone remarked to me - (someone who should have checked her brain first before opening her mouth) - “I thought you’d be faster! You’re pretty slow!”

Everything around me went blank. The air was sucked out of the atmosphere. I might as well have been smacked in the face. My joy was stolen for a brief moment. Something very special was taken away. Eight words! Eight unkind words! Eight words that briefly changed my morning.

“If you don’t have anything nice to say - don’t say it at all!”

My grand daughter - Indigo - was spending the weekend with us. After the race - Indy and I headed to the Waterloo Mall before driving home to Kincardine. I needed new running shoes - at Sport Chek and I was planning to use all the points Harv had carefully accumulated and get those shoes for free! I did just that. We planned to have lunch at the food court but before we did - I mentioned to Indigo that I wanted to stop at Lululemon.

We entered the store (not in Shanghai but Waterloo) and immediately a lovely young salesgirl approached us and engaged in conversation with us. We chatted for a bit and she offered Indigo a VIP bracelet to go see “Santa” - who had just set up shop at the mall - just outside the Lululemon store. The young lady accompanied us to see Santa and much to our surprise - Santa’s helper - in no uncertain terms - informed us that Santa was done for the day - and wouldn’t see one more child that day! The young sales lady asked one more time and one more time, Santa’s helper said - no!

Indy quietly chirped to me - “He’s not the real Santa anyhow! The real one is in the north pole getting our presents ready for Christmas”!

Back to the Lululemon Store! Back to browsing! Once again - the young sales girl came over to us and asked if she could give Indy a gift for the disappointment of not seeing Santa. Both Indy and I were surprised but delighted. Sure enough, Indy received a brand new “pink” purse. I’m thinking that young sales girl paid for it out of her own money. I’ll never know for sure but this one thing I do know - her words and actions were nothing but kind. She made a little girl’s day turn from disappointment to joy.

Kindness matters. Kind actions matter. Kind words matter.

The writers of the Bible had lots to say about Kindness!

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another.”

“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you - but to do justice, and to love kindness and to walk humbly with your God.”

“Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness will find life, righteousness and honour.”

“Outdo one another in showing honour.”

We used to teach our young sons to imagine there were soldiers posted around their mouths - only allowing good words - kind words - encouraging words - to exit. It wasn’t just for them though. It applied to their parents. It still does.

Last Saturday I experienced the best of people and the worst of people! Quite frankly while the words spoken to me after the race pricked my heart - they didn’t linger! Indy’s experience at the Lulu store blessed me beyond measure.

In a world where people need more kindness - be that person!

IMMANUEL - GOD WITH US

We recently began rehearsing for this year’s presentation of The Messiah. It will take place at Knox Presbyterian church - right here in Kincardine, on Saturday, December 20th at 7 pm. I can’t wait. We missed last year. You might recall that. You might not. I remember.

Handel composed Messiah (1741) -  an English language oratorio that traces the story of Jesus Christ. Messiah was first performed in Dublin, Ireland on April 13, 1742 and received its London premiere nearly a year later. The Messiah has gained in popularity throughout these last few hundred years and has become one of the best-known and most frequently performed choral pieces in Western music. The ‘Hallelujah’ chorus is one of the most famous pieces of Baroque choral music and the most widely known section of the work. Though it was originally written for Easter, Handel’s Messiah has also become a mainstay of the festive season.

Handel deliberately kept the dramatic content of his Messiah understated – it was in church after all. He created a piece based on three concepts: the story of the nativity and its prophecy; that of the crucifixion and redemption of mankind; and a commentary on the Christian soul and its victory over death. In each of these three parts, the chorus is absolutely at the heart of the work, complemented by four vocal soloists and an orchestra.

Handel composed Messiah in just 24 days without getting much sleep and or eating much food. While writing the ‘Hallelujah’ chorus Handel’s servant discovered him with tears in his eyes, and he exclaimed, “I did think I did see all Heaven before me, and the great God Himself seated on His throne, with His company of Angels.”

My love affair with Handel’s Messiah began in my late 20’s. We had just moved to Listowel to begin our pastorate there and I was looking for ways to be involved in our community - meet new friends etc. I joined the Listowel Community Singers and I sang with the choir for ten years. We performed parts of the Messiah every year - sometimes at Christmas and sometimes at Easter. Someone once said to me that they had attended one of the performances and watched me sing. They said they could tell I was enjoying myself. I replied to them that I did enjoy singing such a fantastic piece of music but mostly because I believe the words.

As I rehearse the choruses - at home and with the whole choir - I’m reminded that Jesus was prophesied to come to be the Messiah/Immanuel - meaning God is with us! Prophets weren’t enough. Apostles wouldn’t do. Angels wouldn’t suffice. God (the Father) sent more than miracles or a message. He sent Himself in the person of His Son.

My siblings and I attended Sight and Sound Theatre in Lancaster, Pennsylvania in December, 2009. We witnessed the Biblical Christmas Story come to life on stage. I was mesmerized from the moment the curtains went up. The story began in the days just before Christ was born - in the days that were dismal for God’s people - in the days when Roman rule was foremost - in the days when Caesar ruled with an iron fist - in the days of waiting - in the days of wondering if the promised Messiah would ever come - in the days of difficulties and distress. I felt the despair. I felt the frustration and panic and fear.

I wondered at the excitement when Mary was chosen to be the mother of God’s Son. I was gripped by the actors as they portrayed hope that the prophecy of the promised Messiah was going to happen.

Immanuel - would be all in for His people. He would leave heaven for earth and become one of us - yet remaining fully God - and - for 2,000 years since that very first Christmas, He has been with us! He became a human so that He could relate to us - to me - to you - personally and individually.

Max Lucado said it this way!

“Immanuel isn’t just the God of big churches - the super spiritual - the wealthy - the pastors - perfect families.

He’s so much bigger than that.

His love is bigger. His Presence is bigger.

Because……He’s also and especially the Immanuel of - oncology visits - broken hearts - empty bank accounts - funeral homes - rehab rooms - sleepless nights - bathroom floors - messy selves and messy lives.

The places where it’s just me and Him. The places only He can really see - hear - understand - guide - comfort - heal. The places of loss - despair - loneliness - doubt - fear.

Immanuel is also in the places of growth - hope - belonging - grace - peace. The places that nothing and no one else can touch except for this big - big - Immanuel - God with us - Messiah. Those are the most sacred places of all - and - some of the most beautiful.

Immanuel - God with us.

Our God - Who will never leave us.”

Romans 8:38, 39 - “For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

This December - hear Handel’s Messiah for the first time or the fiftieth time - and be amazed that the baby Jesus of Bethlehem was born to be your Immanuel - God with you.

JESUS DIDN'T HEAL EVERYONE

I’m not sure who needs to hear this today but here it is. I read this essay last week by SARA TRENT and it resonated deep down in my heart. I haven’t experienced all the thoughts that the author of this essay has expressed but I do understand where she is coming from.

Each day - things happen in my life and the life of my family - friends - acquaintances - world events - and my immediate response is and must be - to pray!

Phil. 4:6 - Don’t be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving - let your requests be made known to God.

Mark11:24 - Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours.

Matthew 6:6 - But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

We pray for healing in disease ridden bodies. We pray for marriages headed to the divorce court to be restored. We pray for prodigals to return. We pray for severed family relationships to be mended. We pray that an empty womb will be filled. We pray for finances to pay the never ending bills. We pray. And we wait for the answer!

Here is what Sara Trent wrote.

Jesus didn’t heal everyone. I’ve wrestled with that truth in the quiet places no one sees - in the hospital hallways where prayers echoed unanswered - in the graveside silences where I begged Him to come late like He did for Lazarus…….and still believe He could.

He didn’t always stop. He didn’t always speak. Sometimes………….He just walked by. Sometimes………….the thorn wasn’t removed.

And that truth used to ache in me like a wound I couldn’t name. I had an idea that if He could - He should. That if He was near, He would fix what was broken. That if He loved me, He’d rescue me - quickly - public - visibly.

But He didn’t. And yet, He loved me still.

I used to think miracles were the evidence of favour - of faith. Now I see - sometimes - the silence is. Sometimes the “no” is just as holy as the “now”. Sometimes the waiting is more sacred than the wonder.

Because the truth is - Jesus didn’t heal everyone.

Not every lame man walked. Not every blind eye opened. Not every storm was stilled. Not every grave was emptied.

But He saw every ache. He felt every cry. He wept at every tomb. Even the ones He didn’t raise.

I’m learning that His love is not proven by how quickly He answers - BUT BY HOW FAITHFULLY HE STAYS when He doesn’t.

He didn’t always heal the body. But He always touched the soul. He always restored what mattered most. And He always walked in love - even when His hands didn’t move the way I hoped.

So here I am - YEARS into a prayer I’m still waiting on. Holding the tension between faith and fatigue.

Still believing He can. Still trusting Him even if He doesn’t. Still finding Him in the places I didn’t expect - the long spells - the dry spells - the closed doors - the empty hands.

And maybe - just maybe - that’s the deeper healing.

Maybe He walked past them so He could walk with me. Maybe He withheld the miracle to give me more of Him. Maybe the greatest healing isn’t in the answer………..but in the nearness of the One who holds me while I wait.

He didn’t heal everyone. But He never passed by the brokenhearted. And I know now. He has not passed by me. (Thanks to Sara Trent for her thoughts)

God may not heal everyone but He heals some. Not every marriage is restored but some are. Not every prodigal returns but some do. Not every family relationship is restored but some are. Not every womb is filled but some are.

I love the story in the book of Mark in the New Testament where a desperate father pleads with Jesus to heal his son. In the conversation between the two - the father utters this statement - "“Lord I believe - help my unbelief.” I love this man’s honesty and struggle - having both belief and unbelief present at the same time.

So - we must be honest about what we are going through - what we are praying for. Pray that our faith will be strengthened and unmovable. Pray that we will remain steadfast during difficult times. Pray with the realization that God can and will meet us in our moments of doubt.

What grace we’re offered. What peace we’re given. What a blessing to lean into the arms of our faithful God - through thick and thin.

In the waiting - God is present.

THE PRICE IS RIGHT!

We didn’t have much money at all but on a whim - we decided to spend the little we had on a family trip to California - to visit our friends who had recently moved there. Five plane tickets purchased. Money exchanged into American funds. Car rental secured. Up! Up! and Away!

We were all excited…..it was the first flight for our sons……my second flight……and Randy’s third. Toronto to Los Angeles. 5 hours! Wheels up at 6 pm and wheels down at 9 pm (local time).

We did the normal touristy things - Disney Land - Knots Berry Farm - a side trip down south to San Diego where we took in the world famous aquarium and zoo - another side trip to Palm Springs (an oasis in the middle of the desert) - the Santa Monica pier - Venice beach - Laguna Beach - Manhattan Beach and the Griffith Observatory and of course a close view of the famous Hollywood sign.

While all those things were fun and amazing - two events happened in the course of our trip that were more significant and even somewhat life changing.

I had the crazy idea that we should head to the movie studio for the Price is Right and try to be part of the audience. We did just just that and can you believe it? Randy was selected to be a contestant. Craziness. When we arrived at the studio - everyone was instructed to stand in a long line and slowly - very slowly - we snaked our way until we finally met the director of the show. He asked us a few questions and then we were herded into the studio - where we found our seat and waited. Everyone was in place and we were pumped and excited. The stage hands got us all ready to begin cheering as they counted down to the beginning of the taping. And then it happened - Bob Barker - entered the stage and welcomed the contestants up. You know the drill! The first name was called. Come on down. The second name was called. Come on down. And then it happened - Randy Jolliffe - come on down - you’re the next contestant on the Price is Right. We both jumped to our feet. Randy clapped his hands together and jogged down the aisle to the stage. I was jumping up and down and cheering as loud as I could.

Randy won the third guessing price game and then rolled 95 cents on the big wheel. He was the highest spinner of the day and thus, qualified for the Showcase Showdown. He ended up coming in second but after the prizes were converted into cash - our trip was paid for and when we went home - we put the money right back into our savings account. God provides in mysterious ways. Randy was a good sport that day. Bob Barker introduced him as “a minister from Canada!” It was ever so fun to watch the show weeks later…….our kids, our family and our friends delighted with us in that unexpected encounter in Hollywood. It’s a great memory.

Our second “life changing” event occurred on a Sunday evening. Randy, the boys and I - attended a church - pastored by Charles (Chuck) Swindoll. Swindoll is presently 91 years old and wears many hats - pastor - author - educator and radio preacher. He founded the radio program - Insight for Living. It was while he was pastoring in Fullerton, California, that we met him.

Zac, Ben, and Pete were 7, 6 and 5 at the time and after a full day of California sunshine - fell asleep during the evening sermon. After the service concluded, Randy and I made our way down to the front of the auditorium (we were in row 4 so we could keep our eyes on our sleeping sons) and waited in line to introduce ourselves. Chuck Swindoll was warm and grandfatherly - taking Randy’s hands in his and so very encouraging in his words to a young pastor. Then he cupped his big hands around my face and said something so profound - “I’m looking for scars that every pastor’s wife carries!” At the time - I quipped “no scars here!” He smiled. He knew. The scars would come. He was right! I was wrong.

Randy and I pastored the local church for 35 years - in Orillia, Listowel, Cambridge and Alliston. We knew the ups and downs of ministry. I often reflected back on Pastor Swindoll’s comments.

Someone shared this with me a long time ago and as I share it today - I realize that some of these statements happened to me - in my life - when I was a pastor’s wife.

This is for the weary pastor’s wife!

“I see you. I know the load you carry. It’s a heavy one because it’s a Holy one. The pressure you feel never eases. I see you worrying over the mental load your husband wears. I see you continually wiping the windows of the glass house your children live within. I see your victories, but I still see the tears in the bathroom of the nursery. I see the growth and new life, yet I still see the disappointments that quietly crush you. I see you on your knees, asking God for wisdom. I see you continually processing every situation. Analyzing words spoken. I see you forgiving those who have hurt you. I see you loving those who left you. I see you not serving behind your husband but beside him. Because somewhere along this journey, you’ve realized this isn’t just a ministry. This is your calling. The church isn’t just a church. It’s your home. And this congregation isn’t just some people. They’re your family. Because this calling is your heartbeat, your next breath. This ministry is your passion and these people give you life. I see you as you walk into the sanctuary with the grace you need to fulfill the work God has called you to do. Remember He hasn’t called you into perfection. He’s called you to love people like today’s your last opportunity. Quit caring what people think so much and stay focused on Him. Whatever you do, don’t get distracted.”

Thank you Pastor Swindoll for reaching out to me - at the time - a very naive 30 year old pastor’s wife. I knew you were in my corner. I knew your heart was for me. I’ve remember that conversation for almost 40 years.

And thank you Pastor Swindoll for your ministry and wise words throughout the years!

“Life is ten percent what happens to me and ninety percent how I react to it.”

“Attitude is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, then education, money, circumstances, than failures and success, than what other people think, say or do. It is more important than appearance, ability or skill. It will make or break a business, a home, a friendship or organization.”

“Each day of our lives we make deposits in the the memory banks of our children.”

“A family is a place where principles are hammered and honed on the anvil of everyday living.”

And this one! “A teardrop on earth summons the King of Heaven.”

“Each morning, God deposits 86,400 seconds into our bank of time but nothing carries over to the next day. Spend it well.”

If I bumped into Chuck Swindoll on the street today, he would not remember me but I remember him. His words and touch made a hug impact on my life.

Our boys have only vague memories of the trip…….they were young…….but for Randy and I…..it was life changing…..we were on tv and we met Chuck Swindoll. Very cool.

The price was right!

TUESDAY MORNING (VESPERS)

Every Tuesday morning from 8 - 9 am - I attend the prayer service at my local church. The sweet hour (of power) includes 20 minutes of worship (singing) - 20 minutes of quiet meditation and prayer - 20 minutes of corporate prayer. It’s quiet. It’s peaceful. It’s powerful. It’s meaningful. It’s binding. It’s life changing.

This past Tuesday morning, we spent time reflecting on Pastor Adam’s Sunday sermon. Our pastor has been teaching through the Nicene Creed and “why we believe what we believe.” The passage from the Creed that he focused on this past Sunday was “God from God - Light from Light - True God from True God - Begotten, not created - of One Being with the Father - Through Him all things were made.” What a powerful truth these words express. It was C. S. Lewis who penned these words - “The Son of God became a man to enable men to become sons of God.”

Adam challenged us with this statement. Christ is either the Creator or the created. What I believe determines how I live. My response? The Creator. So……… (my) Worship deepens which leads to Obedience - (my) Faith strengthens which leads to Confidence- (my) Hope endures which leads to Perseverance - (my) Love multiplies which overflows to others - and - (my) Witness bcomes bolder which leads to servanthood.

When I was a little girl - I loved when missionaries visited our church and told their stories of what life was like in faraway lands. This particular story has stuck with me all my life. The man who told this story was very old when I was very young so this probably happened in the 1920’s or 1930’s. He and his family - including his wife and three children - were living in a remote village - sharing the stories of Jesus with the village people. The chief was not happy with the missionary and one night - decided to make an end of the family. The husband and wife gathered their children close as they heard the young men of the village, along with the chief, gather outside their home. The family knew that they might be killed sometime during the night. The family huddled together in their home - praying and trusting - waiting and wondering. All night long the chief and his young warriors circled the perimeter of their yard but did not venture any closer.

When the day dawned, the family was still alive - their hut untouched - the village warriors gone. The family wondered at God’s grace. Later that day the chief arrived at their home - by himself - and asked to come in. Again the family experienced fear at what might happen. The chief explained that they had planned to kill the family - burn down their hut - but 13 armed guards were surrounding the hut - protecting the hut and family! The village warriors were afraid of the armed guards. The chief wanted to know where and how the family had secured such help. Soon after the village came to learn about God and accepted the family as one of their own.

Later - a letter arrived from a church in Canada - explaining that a group of people had “felt” the need to pray for this family on a particular night - which happened to be the night the village planned to kill them. Thirteen prayer warriors gathered in Canada to pray. The same number of armed guards who surrounded the hut that night.

That story made a huge impact on my life about the importance of praying - specifically - strategically - and with purpose.

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

C. S. Lewis - “I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time - waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God. It changes me.”

That’s why I love Tuesday morning (vespers). Worship. Meditation. Prayer. There is something very special about gathering together.

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

This weekend is my third favourite weekend of the year - after Christmas and Easter! Thanksgiving. So much to be grateful for. So much to be thankful for.

The first recorded Canadian Thanksgiving was in 1578, when explorer - Martin Frobisher’s expedition gave thanks for safe passage.

But even more than turkey - even more than potatoes and gravy - even more than pumpkin pie and whipped cream (although I really, really, really love pumpkin pie and whipped cream) - I love singing the old familiar hymns. Hymns that speak of harvest. Hymns that speak of provision. Hymns that speak of receiving good gifts from our Heavenly Father. This weekend does give us pause to remember what indeed we are thankful for.

Peter Marshall said it this way! “Father, we gather to thank You - for Your great gift of life - that Your love for us is not dependent upon any unworthiness of ours - for health - for clothes to wear - for those who love us best - for friends whose words of encouragement have often chased away dark clouds - for the zest of living - for many answered prayers - for kind providence that has preserved us from danger and harm.

Thank you that we live in a land bountifully able to supply all our needs - a land which still by Your Providence knows peace - whose skies are not darkened by the machines of the enemy - whose fields and woodlands are still unblasted by the flames of war - a land with peaceful valleys and smiling meadows. Help us appreciate all that we have - to be content with it - to be grateful for it - to be proud of it - not in an arrogant pride that boasts - but in a grateful pride that strives to be more worthy. We offer you our gratitude.”

Meeting you later in life was exactly how it was meant to happen. We were both healing - living life alone - working out our futures. Then God brought us together - to heal together - to love each other - to grow old together. Love hits different when it finds you later in life.

I’m grateful for where I live. This is my view - night after night. It never gets old.

These three - have my whole heart. Three sons - born in 1982,1983,1984! Three children to raise and nurture - now grown with families of their own. How grateful I am that God blessed me and our home. My biggest accomplishment in life will never be money or prestige - it will be the ones I raised!

Grateful for my three daughters-in-law. How wonderful in God’s providence that He provided my sons with these beautiful women. Grateful for their lives - the homes they came from - their gifts and personalities - the homes they have created with my sons.

Ten grandchildren. Six grandsons. Four grand-daughters. I can’t even find the words to describe my love for them and how incredibly proud I am of each of them.

Oh how thankful I am for the home I was raised in - for my parents - my brothers and my sisters! We recently celebrated two 85th birthdays.

So grateful for the abundance of delicious food we have to choose from for our meals.

This past summer I spent so many happy days on the pickle ball courts in Port Elgin. I met great people. I sweated in the hot sunshine. I laughed. I won some games I lost some games. But always came home fulfilled - and thrilled that I get to play the game I love.

So grateful for my faith - my church - my pastor - and those I worship with - Sunday after Sunday.

My girlfriends! Some I’ve known for a long time - some only for a short season - but all of these women have spoken grace and life into me.

I’m thankful for the hope of heaven after this life - for God’s grace while grieving the passing of loved ones - Randy - Dad - Mom - Tim - Ted and Bill. How we miss these dear ones. How grateful that their faith is now sight.

Thanksgiving shouldn’t be shut up into a single day - practice it everyday.

I AM WOMAN! HEAR ME STRONG!

CAMINO WORDS! “She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails……..because sometimes resilience means redirecting - not retreating.”

That’s how I was raised! I had the example of my very strong mother and older sisters who faced and continue to face really hard things. The women who raised me - didn’t hide under a rock when things got/get tough. They faced them. They embraced them. They conquered them.

I was around 5 or 6 years old when my Dad had a hospital stay that lasted 6 or 7 weeks. My Dad was the sole breadwinner in our family and I’m not even sure he got paid when he didn’t go to work. Dad had a kidney removed and the recovery was a long time. Children couldn’t go into the hospital in those days - so once a week - after church on Sunday - Mom would take us kids to the hospital parking lot and there we would stand and wave up at Dad. Dad would look out of his window and he always waved back. How I missed him around the house. It was a very long couple of months. During those extremely difficult weeks - Mom started selling Avon - to help with the finances. She was very good at it too. Mom simply adjusted her sails - redirected her role in our family - and did what she had to do.

Courage doesn’t always roar. Somedays it’s the quiet voice that says - I’ll try again tomorrow.

In my 40’s and 50’s - I did a lot of running. One year I purposed to run 1200 km - that year was 2014. When Randy collapsed at the end of June and passed away one week later - my running was suspended. The night he died - I could barely walk across the room, let alone go for a 10 km run. And yet - as the summer passed - I grew stronger - and by September, I was back at it. I ran 1,000 km that year. It took courage. It took strength. It took encouragement from my family and friends. I did it.

Annawin - “I thought God lived only in the miracles. But I met Him in the waiting….in the mornings with nothing new….in the pain of surrender when nothing made sense…..but I trusted anyway.”

Randy and I served in the local church ministry for 35 years. Most of the that time - life was filled with preaching (either prepping and preparing or presenting) - counselling - encouraging - teaching - fellowshipping and loving our congregations - but there were times…….that were really hard - painful - gut wrenching! In one particularly difficult situation - we prayed for a miracle. We prayed that things would change. They didn’t. We prayed that a new morning would reveal an answer to our tear-filled prayers. It didn’t. Nothing made sense. We had been called to a church and less than two years later - “they” wanted us gone. “They” didn’t like the changes - a worship team that used drums - guitars instead of an organ - songs instead of hymns! “They” just didn’t want us. We got fired and we trusted anyway. We met God in the waiting.

Annawin - “There were pages I didn’t post. Chapters. I couldn’t say things out loud. Not because I was ashamed but because they were treasures. God was rewriting me in the margins of my silence. And some of that ink was meant to stay just between me and God.”

It still is.

When I don’t see the purpose of my wounds - I remind myself that every scar is a reminder……not of where I bled but where God healed.

I have a very large scar on my right leg. I’m pretty sure it’s from the first time I shaved my legs. I probably used my Dad’s razor (and I imagine he was not happy when he shaved his face the next day with a dull razor.) I have a scar on my right hand too. That scar is the result of my disobedience - as a 5 year old - taking a pop bottle - on a Sunday afternoon - (when I had been told not to) - to the corner store to buy candy. I never made it to the store. I fell down the back stairs and the glass dug into my hand. It took 3 nurses and my parents to hold me down while the doctor stitched me up - 6 stitches. It was quite a gash. To this day - I’m reminded of that day.

There are some wounds - to my heart - where I’m reminded - not of the hurt but of the healing. I mentioned earlier that Randy and I were “let go” by our church family. Fired! For days and weeks, we reeled with our new reality. We moved away from Cambridge to begin a sabbatical in Westport. We thought it would last for 3 or 4 months but God allowed us to stay there for one year. What a tremendous year of healing that was for us. About 6 or 7 weeks after moving to Westport, we were worshipping in the Pier Church in Brockville, Ontario. My brother and his wife and family attended there. At one point in the service, the pastor of the church welcomed anyone to come to the altar and receive prayer for healing - help - or whatever. I practically ran to the front. My brother and his wife and nephew prayed over me and at that moment, God healed my very broken heart. I offered forgiveness to those who had broken it.

One last thing……….The older I get the more I realize that time doesn’t heal all wounds. There are things in life that will always hurt (just a bit) or be tender (sometimes a lot). I can still be content and happy and still have some things in my life that pinch at the memory of them.

With time, I have come to understand that healing doesn’t necessarily mean erasing - that moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting. Some wounds do not disappear - but they do soften - they do shift - but they remain part of who I am today. Who I have become. I am not the same person I was ten years ago or twenty years ago. And that’s good. That’s really good.

I also don’t wait for the day when every ache has disappeared to be grateful or joyful or living life to the fullest. Happiness and hurt can coexist - one does not cancel out the other. I can love deeply - even when my heart has known great pain.

Life is not about “getting over” everything - it is about learning to hold both sorrow and joy - with grace and strength - allowing them to shape me without defining me.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed!” (2 Corinthians 4:7-9)