MISSING MOM

Exactly one year ago we were walking my 100 year old momma Home to Glory. Exactly one year ago her frail body gave out and she willingly, gladly passed from this life to the next.

I miss her. Not that I wish her back for one moment. I don’t. But I miss our chats. i miss her stories. I miss the connection to all that came before. The connection to grandparents and great grandparents. I miss all those things and more.

My Mom was a mother for 80 years and it was from her that I learned how to be a mom and then later how to be a grandmother. I don’t know if I’ll make it to being a great grandmother - but she was that too. She was even a great - great grandmother.

What did I learn?

Here are things I learned from my mom in no particular order.

#1. About marriage. “Surely the most important part of a wedding isn’t the day. It is every day after.”

My parents were married for 69 years. They raised 9 children - from 1940 through until 1979 my parents had kids in their home. Thirty-nine years! The week before I married Randy in 1979 my Dad read a fortune cookie that said - “soon all your troubles will be over”! We all laughed as my parents realized they would soon be empty nesters.

My Dad worked at the mill and my mom “kept house”. There were many times when there was more month than money - more hand-me-downs than something new - more home-made than store-bought. My parent’s marriage was built on commitment and faith in each other and to each other. They scrapped - don’t get me wrong. There were sharp words at times. But never did me or my siblings worry that one would walk out the door and not come back. My parents exemplified how a husband and wife mutually respect and lift each other up. They used each other’s strengths to grow their marriage. They supported each other in their shortcomings.

As Mom was approaching death, she spoke so much of seeing her beloved “Stan the man” once again. I know when Mom’s breath stopped on this side and she began her new life - my Dad was there meeting her and welcoming her Home.

My first hold with my first grandchild - Sara.

#2. About parenting. I was so amazed when we had our firstborn, Zac, that after a few days they just sent us home and expected us to know what to do with a newborn. Zac was born the middle of January and my Mom had come to stay with us for a bit. It was so snowy that winter that Dad wasn’t able to get back to Orillia for several weeks, so Mom just stayed! What a great blessing for us. I learned how to breast feed. I learned the difference between a hungry cry and a wet cry and a mad cry and a “I just want to be cuddled” cry. I learned that it’s never wrong to cuddle and rock your newborn - that dusting and cleaning can wait. I learned “to never stand up when you can sit down - to never sit when you can lie down.” I learned how to fold the perfect diaper! (There is really nothing like a stack of gleaming white flannelette - neatly folded diapers!) I learned that my heart would forever be owned by three little boys and no matter what age I was or they are - they are tucked - safely - in my heart. I learned that my heart would ache with every disappointment or failure but it would rejoice with each and every accomplishment. I learned that my heart would watch and wait for the car to drive into the driveway - that my heart would trust for the “right” girl to come into their lives at just the right time. I learned all these things and more.

When my parents were brand new parents - as the story goes - they were lazy about church attendance. “It was hard with a newborn”. “Sunday is my day off!” Their pastor came for a visit to the young couple and encouraged them to begin then and now to attend church. It would never get easier. There would always be something to keep them from attending church. The very next Sunday they bundled up their newborn daughter (my oldest sister, Marilyn) and never looked back. Attending church and Sunday School would become part of their routine. For that I’m truly grateful. It would always be part of our routine as well.

I learned to pray for my sons. I learned that the power of a mother’s prayers for her children is a force to be reckoned with. I prayed and continue to.

In the early days of our marriage - Randy and I - had more month than money as well. We prayed about everything and just before Zac was born - God answered our prayers and someone blessed us with a washer and dryer “so I didn’t have to go to the laundry mat” - that washer and dryer hummed along perfectly for our family for 25 years.

I remember a day when our two year old - Ben - was so sick we were at a loss as to what to do. He was so lethargic. We were frightened. We asked God for wisdom. We took Ben to emergency and they said “there is nothing wrong with him.” I just knew I couldn’t leave the hospital. I asked for a second opinion (scrappy mom) and the second doctor said he was dehydrated and it was a good think we hadn’t taken him home. Another answer to prayer - just two of the hundreds that God answered over the years we were raising our boys.

#3. About words. Toby Mac said - “sometimes we get so carried away trying to be right - we forget to be kind.”

Dementia took over mom’s life and there were a few times over the last year’s of her life that the disease caused some unkind words to come out of my sweet Momma’s mouth. I remember one particular day early last January when mom came banging out of her room. Her walker smashed into the door. I asked her if I could help her. I asked her what was wrong! (Not a good question at the time I know now!) I got an answer that even surprised me. I left her alone for a bit and had a good cry. Later I came back into her room and she looked at me and said “I love you.” She had forgotten all about her outburst. I told her right back that I loved her too.

Mom taught us these truths about our words!

Return harsh words with gentleness.

Have a soothing tongue.

Speak wisely.

A timely word is a good thing.

You don’t always have to be right.

Good news brings health to the bones.

If you don’t have anything nice to say - don’t say it at all!

Guard your tongue.

Mom would say - “choose your words carefully - because you may have to eat them someday.”

#4. Handling hard situations with grace and dignity.

It’s easy to show grace when everything is hunky dory in your life. It’s easy to smile when your bank account is not on empty - when you don’t have a sick child in the hospital - when there are no body aches and pains - when your kid makes first string and isn’t riding the bench - when your husband is tucked beside you watching tv and you’re not wondering where he is or who he is with - or any other difficult situation you can imagine. But what happens when any one of these things play out in your life? What do you do? How do you handle these tough situations?

I remember a time when one of my boys was in the public speaking competition - probably grade 4 or 5. He had a great speech and placed second or third. I taught music at this same school and the very next day - after the speech competition - I went into my classroom and realized the judges had left their comment sheets on my desk. It was interesting to read their comments and remarks. My bad though - when I realized they had totalled my son’s score incorrectly and he had placed first. I remember calling my Mom to ask her advice about letting them know they had made a mistake. Wisely, with grace and dignity, Mom said - “let it go”. “It will be devastating for the student who gets knocked out of the first place position and there will be other firsts along the way!” “Martha - show grace.”

Another time - Randy and I were going through an extremely difficult time while pastoring one of our churches. I wanted to stay home. I wanted to point out their faults. I wanted revenge. Once again - my parents - gave us wise advice. “Be graceful to those who are oppressing you.” “Don’t stoop to anyone else’s level.” “It’s not your place to make others pay.” “Hold your head up high.” Wise parents.

When my brother Tim died in a boating accident when he was just 39 years old , it was a dreadful shock to our family. My parents grieved Tim’s passing. I don’t know how a mother ever really gets over the death of her child. But even in grief, Mom and Dad, taught us how to trust in God’s perfect sovereignty - how to put our faith in things we can’t see - that this life is not the life we were created for, but that we all are created for the life that is to come. It was great preparation when I would face the sudden death of Randy, several years later.

#5. Be happy for others.

When I would telephone my Mom, she would always be full of good news. She would tell stories of friends and their accomplishments - of family members and their good fortunes. It was a learning experience for me even when I didn’t realize it.

Always be thankful for what you have - rather than bitter for what you don’t have.

I remember when I called her to tell her that I had met Harv - how we thought we would have a second chance for marriage - after both of us being widowed. Mom was over the top excited for me. She told me - “ever since Randy died I have been praying that God would bring a wonderful man into your life. You are too young to live out this life alone. I give you my blessing.” That meant so much to me.

I try to live my life that way.

It’s been one year - Momma - when your faith became sight. What glory and wonder you are experiencing.

I can only imagine.

I miss you - Momma - but not for a moment do I wish you back here when you are experiencing the amazing gift of being in the Presence of Jesus.

xo

TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE

Recently I reread Mitch Albom’s thought provoking book - “Tuesdays With Morrie”. Mitch Albom was an accomplished sports writer but felt his life was lacking something! He happened to watch a television interview with his former university professor, Morrie Schwartz and felt compelled to reconnect with his teacher and friend. Morrie was struggling with Lou Gehrig’s disease. The book describes their conversations - every Tuesday for several weeks - conversations about death, fear, aging, greed, marriage, family, society, forgiveness and what it means to live a meaningful life.

I’ve read this little book several times and every time it speaks to me. It speaks to me about the importance of having people in my life who are with me for the long haul. It speaks to me about the importance of my faith - keeping it strong through all the twists and turns of life. It speaks to me of being open to discuss uncomfortable things. It speaks to me of walking with others through their afflictions. It just speaks.

It’s a tiny book and doesn’t take long to read but I found myself rereading the words - jotting them down in my journal - chewing on them - digesting them - taking them to heart.

Here’s a quote Morrie said to Mitch on one of those Tuesday mornings!

“DYING IS ONLY ONE THING TO BE SAD OVER. LIVING UNHAPPILY IS SOMETHING ELSE. SO MANY PEOPLE WHO COME TO VISIT ME ARE UNHAPPY.”

“Happiness does not depend on circumstances.” I wrote these words on August 21, 2014 - one month after Randy passed away - “My confidence and joy is not in myself or my circumstances but in Jesus. His promise is to be with me in all things. It is God’s power that enables me to continue in this journey - called life.” Each day I have the choice to live with a joy-filled sense of gratefulness or with a pessimistic, miserable attitude. If I focus on the circumstances of this world, it would be easy to slip into a measure of gloom and doom and certainly, there is a lot of misery and doubt and unhappiness all around us that is pretty messy and discouraging right now. BUT - when we live and do all things with grace and gratefulness - when we live in the midst of this crooked and twisted generation, we shine as lights. Lights are intended for guidance to help those in the dark. Lights are intended for warning - warning of living lives that lead to bitterness and regret. Lights are intended to cheer others on. So I choose to live an abundant and fulfilling life - spreading joy - speaking encouragement - sharing someone’s heavy load - answering a cutting word with gentleness and grace - smiling for those who can’t. I don’t do this in my own power - Psalm 121:1,2 says, “I lift up my eyes to the hills from whence comes my help. My help comes from the Lord.” Only through the power of God in our lives are we able to live a joy-filled life in these days of uncertainty and change.

Here’s another quote from Morrie to Mitch!

“SO MANY PEOPLE WALK AROUND WITH A MEANINGLESS LIFE. THEY SEEM HALF ASLEEP, EVEN WHEN THEY’RE BUSY DOING THINGS THEY THINK ARE IMPORTANT. THAT IS BECAUSE THEY ARE CHASING THE WRONG THINGS. THE WAY YOU GET MEANING INTO YOUR LIFE IS TO DEVOTE YOURSELVES TO LOVING OTHERS; DEVOTE YOURSELF TO THE COMMUNITY AROUND YOU AND TO DEVOTE YOURSELF TO CREATING SOMETHING THAT GIVES YOU PURPOSE AND MEANING.”

I had always thought that I would be and really desired to be a motivational speaker for conferences - national and international. I thought I’d be good at it. I wanted it but it never happened for me. Instead I find myself having coffee or lunch with one or two girlfriends - hosting a tiny group of women in my home for a bible study and conversation - chatting on the phone weekly with my (older) sisters and brothers - things that certainly don’t make the front page of google news or People’s magazine. I believe each one of us have gifts and a purpose - mine was and is - tend to my family - tend to my friends, both near and far - and to be a blessing to those I meet randomly. My sons are long grown, now with lovely wives and children of their own. My job of raising my sons is long over and yet it’s not. They are ever on my mind. One hundred times a day my mind wanders to their homes - I picture them waking up - parents drinking their first cup of coffee and kids chattering at the breakfast table - the normal and natural conversations of parents with their children for the daily reminders. I see one son - editing his photos for anxious brides and getting disc golf courses installed in every city in Ontario. I see another son heading to the office to prepare his weekly sermon and deal with the goings on in his church. I see my other son guiding the students at his high school and encouraging them to have purpose in their lives. I picture my grandchildren at their schools. Are they happy today? Are they understanding their lessons? Are their teachers frazzled with a classroom of very different personalities. I imagine my d-i-l’s at their jobs and in their homes - balancing both, with love and competence. So what do I do?

I pray!

I send packages in the mail!

I text!

Oh yes, my life has great meaning in the lives of my family and community.

Morrie says about ALS - “IT’S ONLY HORRIBLE IF YOU SEE IT THAT WAY. IT’S HORRIBLE TO WATCH MY BODY SLOWLY WILT AWAY TO NOTHING. BUT IT’S WONDERFUL BECAUSE OF ALL THE TIME I GET TO SAY GOOD BYE. NOT EVERYONE IS SO LUCKY.”

While we have time - talk - to each other. Say the words. Don’t have unfinished business and then find it’s too late to do anything about it.

On that Saturday morning of June 28, 2014, Randy collapsed while running and never regained consciousness. He passed away seven days later without ever waking up. I’m so thankful that we didn’t speak unkind words on that morning and that I would have to live with regrets - for either speaking the words or not offering forgiveness. There were times of quick, unloving words, but we were also quick to forgive and forget. We didn’t have time. We didn’t have that one last conversation. We didn’t have that one last date. We didn’t have that one last smile. For us - we didn’t have it - but each day we lived with no hidden grudges or unforgiveness - just as I do now.

While we have time - LOVE OTHERS WELL - HATE WHAT IS EVIL - CLING TO WHAT IS GOOD. BE DEVOTED TO ONE ANOTHER - HONOUR ONE ANOTHER ABOVE YOURSELVES - BE JOYFUL IN HOPE - PATIENT IN AFFLICTION AND FAITHFUL IN PRAYER. SHARE WITH OTHERS AND PRACTICE HOSPITALITY. BLESS THOSE WHO PERSECUTE YOU. REJOICE WITH THOSE WHO ARE REJOICING AND WEEP WITH THOSE WHO ARE WEEPING. LIVE IN HARMONY WITH EACH OTHER. DON’T REPAY EVIL FOR EVIL. DON’T TAKE REVENGE. OVERCOME EVIL WITH GOOD.

Morrie and Mitch had it right. They spent time together - they spoke the words - they listened - they shared life - they talked about important stuff.

They didn’t wait until it was too late.

Me neither.

The Silver

When I was a small child, some of my best memories is of our family gathered around the dining room table. It may have been just our immediate family (all 11 of us) but usually there were two or three or four more added to the mix. We had a gynormous (really big) table that seemed to expand to accommodate however many were gathered to eat.

My mom set a beautiful table. We used the best silver often. My mom didn’t feel the need to save the silver or china or crystal for only Christmas or Easter or Thanksgiving. Every night was an opportunity to celebrate something. It was around the table that our family shared life. We ate together. Depending on my Dad’s shift work schedule - we ate together at lunch or supper. (Those were the days when kids didn’t stay at school to eat their lunch). I digress. It was around the table that we talked of world events, school events, local events, sports, politics, church goings on, and the like. It was where sisters were teased by brothers about boyfriends. It was where tears were shed about a failed test result, a relationship breakup, a neighbour’s death. It was around the same table where the winning shot in a basketball game was described in detail - over and over again, where a new girlfriend was introduced to the family, where - sometimes - everyone talked at once. And always at the end of the meal, everyone would say “good supper, Ma!”

It was around the table where manners were taught.

Please pass the butter.

Thank you.

Use your serviette, not your sleeve.

When you are finished eating, put your knife and fork across the middle of your plate.

Stay at the table until everyone is finished eating and wait for permission to leave.

These were lessons for life. These were preparations for the outside world. These were manners that would be used in the future.

My mom prepared me to be a wife and a mom and grammie who enjoys hospitality and the gathering around the dinner table. There have been memorable moments in my home too.

We lived in Listowel when the boys were in elementary school and their early years in high school. It was all we could do to feed three very hungry boys three meals a day. I always added a loaf of bread to the supper menu to help fill those “hollow legs!” The odd time all my desires to have a proper dinner table flew out the window. Randy and the boys loved to toss a piece of their food and catch it in their mouths. This would drive me nuts. One day, Randy got more creative and put a piece of banana on a spoon - flung it in the air and prepared to catch it in his mouth when it came down. Only it didn’t come down. It stuck to the ceiling. Oh, the laughter. The boys thought this was the best ever. Any chance to have order that night was for naught.

Another time when we were pastoring in Listowel, we were going through a particularly difficult time. It happens to pastors and their families. We were discouraged. We were tempted to quit. We were lonely. We prayed for guidance and strength and hope. Hope showed up at church the next Sunday. It was a man visiting from the States. After church he asked us if he could pick up lunch for our family and bring it to our house and join us for a meal. I went home - set the table and we waited for him to arrive. Arrive he did, with a bounty of delicious food from one of the local restaurants. We talked long after the boys had finished their dinner and had gone out to play. This man stayed in our community for a few weeks (working in the area) - shared many lunches and dinners with us - encouraged our hearts, prayed with us, brought gifts to the boys and befriended us with what we needed at just the right time. After a few weeks, he went back home. We never saw him again. We looked up his name and business in the city where he said he was from - guess what - no such person. I do believe we entertained an angel for that period of time. (Hebrews 13:2) “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.”

When we lived in Cambridge it was during the time when the boys were in high school and university. Before moving to Cambridge from Listowel I prayed we’d find a house that had a pool. In the five months of waiting to sell and then buy, many homes came and went. I kept praying that when the time was right, God would provide a pool with the house. Sure enough (as if there was any doubt), the day our house sold in Listowel, a home in Cambridge came up for sale - with a pool. We put an offer in on the spot and soon our offer was accepted and the house would be ours. That pool brought many teenagers and families to our home that led to many lunches and suppers around the table. One day I arrived home from being out and Pete had brought the rugby team home - including the coaches - all those great big boys in the pool - starving after practice. I quickly emptied every cookie can onto trays - made trays of fruit - crackers and cheese - chips and pop - and voila - a picnic for all those kids and their teachers. (Many of those teachers showed up years later at Randy’s funeral). I do believe that pool and the food that was offered and the friendships made during those years - blessed a whole lot of people.

It was one year ago today that my mom came to live with Harv and I. She would be with us for 10 weeks before her faith became sight and she went home to heaven to be with her Lord. Because of the dementia that had taken over her memory, her stories were few and those stories were repeated over and over again. One of her most loved stories was about her young family around the dinner table. She could picture her lovely table set with her china and silver and her husband and children sitting together.

You know! It doesn’t matter if you use sterling silver knives and forks. It doesn’t matter if you use crystal stemware or paper cups. It doesn’t matter if you use Royal Doulton China or plastic. What matters is that we are a hospitable people. It matters that we sit around our tables and share life. It matters that we invite the lovely and sometimes the unlovely to our table. It matters that we teach our children and grandchildren the fine art of saying - “yes please” or “no, thank you.” It matters that we take the time to listen to each other. It matters that we don’t rush through the dinner time to get on to the next thing. It matters that the family dinner table remains an important part of the day.

I continue to love to have people around our table. I love it when it’s just the two of us. I love it when the kids and grandkids are home. I love when friends are here. I love to cook and bake. I love to use the “good dishes”. Many of the dishes I use have been given to me by relatives and friends. What a gift and privilege it is to bless others around our table. Who wants to come for supper?

REFLEXIONS ON TURNING 60!

On Friday, January 26, 2018, I turned 60! I was born on a Sunday afternoon around 5 pm……..while 5 older brothers and 3 older sisters were anxiously waiting for the news. Was it another boy? Or, a girl, after 4 boys in a row! I think I would have been called “Martha” regardless! A shout out to my parents - Stan and Alice Castle - for raising us 9 kids - on one salary - when there was (often) more month than money.

I’m not old but neither am I young. I’ve learned things in my life - sometimes the hard way. In no particular order - I wrote down 60 things I’ve learned and relearned - experienced and continue to experience, loved and continue to love - when I turned 60!

#1. When you smile at people - they generally smile back.

#2. Anyone can start a fight - it takes a brave person to end it.

#3. Choose being kind over being mean.

#4. Learning to play the piano takes time and discipline. That’s a good thing. I’m so glad I took lessons for lots and lots of years.

#5. Scales, arpeggios, 4-note patterns are tedious but necessary.

#6. Everyone should learn to be a team player.

#7. Eating real food is healthier than food out of a box.

#8. Being a mom is the greatest accomplishment of my life.

#9. Training for the races I’ve run brought me great joy in the end. Sometimes during the training it was very hard and not much fun. Running in the rain and snow and wind was hard but it paid off.

#10. My 8 siblings and their spouses are my closest friends.

#11. Twice in my life - I’ve had a best friend. The first one was when I was 7 and the second one when I was fifty-two. I’m grateful for both women.

#12. My parents taught me to tithe 10% to our local church.

#13. They also taught me how to save for things. (Hard to do in an instant-have society)

#14. Don’t hold grudges.

#15. My dog - maggie - was my best Christmas present ever! I loved her.

#16. I’m grateful for what I have rather than bitter for what I don’t have.

#17. Don’t make promises you can’t or won’t keep.
#18. I choose not to fear.

#19. On raising children - the hardest work is done in the pre-school years - after that - it’s easy! :)

#20. Attending church and Sunday School is a given and a privilege.

#21. Keep teenagers busy in sports and music and youth group.

#22. Walk daily.

#23. Be an encourager.

#24. Only yell when there is a fire.

#25. I would take a bullit for my grandkids.

#26. I have been privileged to love and bless two husbands.

#27. My God is the same on the mountain as well as in the valley.

#28. Sometimes there are worse things than death.

#29. Broken hearts eventually heal.

#30. Forgive as God has forgiven you.

#31. Complainers drive me crazy.

#32. Sometimes life is not fair. Get over it.
#33. Fishing takes patience.

#34. During the most difficult week of my life I was surrounded by my children, my family, my friends and hundreds of people who I didn't even know - who cared for me when I couldn’t care for myself. I’m so grateful.

#35. Always be prepared.

#36. I love to worship. I love to sing. I love to lift my hands.

#37. Massages - facials - manicures - pedicures - are really good therapy.

#38. Being prompt is an honourable thing.

#39. The sound of rain on a tent is very romantic.

#40. Pickup baseball with the boys and their friends was one of my favourite things to do.

#41. Road hockey is right up there too.

#42. Directing the musical “Anne of Green Gables” was deliriously joyful for me.

#43. Incredible love - holding each of my grandchildren for the first time.

#44. I love coffee and the first sip in the the morning is the best. Weak coffee is not worth drinking.

#45. The day I completed my first half marathon was amazing.

#46. Important dates - June 2, 1979 - January 15, 1982 - April 6, 1983 - August 20, 1984 - July 24, 1994 - February 12, 2007 - June 28, 2014 - July 4, 2014 - April 2, 2016. (I would now add January 26, 2021).

#47. I’ve always been comfortable in my own skin.

#48. I’m not very good at confrontation - sometimes it’s necessary but most times I’d rather keep the peace.

#49. I loved that my boys worked at Camp IAWAH through their teen years. It was worth so much more than a good paying summer job.

#50. I don’t drink alcohol and that’s fine by me.

#51. One dessert. Two forks. (that’s love)

#52. Letting my hair go from blonde to grey took a lot of courage.

#53. I’m competitive. As Jen says - “I didn’t come here to finish 2nd!”

#54. The Sound of Music is my favourite movie ever.

#55. If you don’t have anything nice to say - don’t say it at all.

#56. Don’t waste your life worrying what people are thinking or saying about you.

#57. I like to colour outside the lines and that’s okay too.

#58. Waiting begins with trust. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

#59. I love to read. Books have taken me to places I really want to visit someday.

#60. I’ve loved living in every decade. I’m looking forward to sharing this next one with Harvey - the kids - the grands - my family and friends.

With Thanksgiving approaching - I hope and trust that you can make a list of things that you’ve learned and loved.

So grateful.

So thankful.

I DON'T KNOW MUCH BUT I KNOW THIS

Recently Harv and I watch a movie called - A WEEK AWAY! This movie is an uplifting musical about a troubled teen - Will - who takes a leap of faith by attending summer camp and unexpectedly finds love, friends and a place to belong. A WEEK AWAY features songs we listened to a way back when! Songs like DIVE, PLACE IN THIS WORLD, BIG HOUSE, BABY BABY, AWESOME GOD and WHERE I BELONG.

If you’ve ever been to summer camp you remember the camp fires where people share their feelings.. At girl’s camp we called this night “mascara meltdown”! At one point in A WEEK AWAY they have one of those amazing campfires, only they changed it up a bit and said one line that resonated with me.

“I DON’T KNOW MUCH BUT I KNOW THIS……….”

“I DON’T KNOW MUCH BUT I KNOW THIS……….”

I’ve lived 63 years now and I’ve learned a few things along the way. Some I’ve learned the easy way. Oh, it is easy to live and trust when there is food on the table, money in the bank, clothes on our backs, books in the schoolrooms, gas in the car, having a car, health in our family, friends to share a meal with, a warm home, electricity…..and the like. Some things I’ve learned the hard way. though. Oh yes, it’s much harder when one or more of these things or all of these things are taken away or you’ve never had them.

Charles Spurgeon said, “To trust God in the light is nothing but to trust Him in the dark - that is faith.”

So, here we go!

I don’t know much but I know this……I have the privilege of living in the greatest country in the world. Canada. My home and native land. It’s a place of great beauty - filled with lakes and trees and large cities and quaint villages. It’s a place where I can live out my faith. I can go to my local church, freely, without the fear of being made fun of or ridiculed. I can have conversations with friends on the beach, on the golf course, or out for a walk about my faith and theirs. I can be available to those who question what is going on in our world and how my faith keeps me positive. I don’t know much but I know this - I don’t have to fear or be dismayed because I have a faith in God that is rooted in Him - not rooted in myself or this world. Corrie ten Boom said - “If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed. If you look within, you’ll be depressed. But if you look at Christ, you’ll be at rest.”

I don’t know much but I know this……it’s a good thing to be a giver of life. It’s always a good thing to look at life with a glass half full. It’s always a good thing to take the high road. It’s always good to be patient and kind. It’s always good to protect, trust , hope and persevere. It’s always great to bring out the best in those you meet. Smile at a stranger. And isn’t it the best when you make someone laugh.

This summer, my grandson Tyson, turned on two fans and then yelled into them making his voice funny and his hair blow wild. We both cracked up. Look at that smile.

I don’t know much but I know this…..I loved my Gramma Castle. She had a stroke when I was only 11 and died 7 years later when I was 18. She poured more into my life in my first 11 years than some who live a lifetime of many more years. She passed on her love for God and the local church. She passed on her love for piano and voice. I have her hymnbook. I remember sitting at the piano with her - pounding out the hymns and songs she loved. Gramma Castle did everything with gusto and flair. She was very British (not in the gentile sense) and lived life large and loud. I’m like her in many ways. Gramma wrote this poem before I was born!

THE CASTLES AT 13 ELM (1956)

Our Stan has a wonderful family - one of the best in town.

You could not find a finer one - if you searched the world around.

Take Marilyn for instance - she’s as sweet as she can be.

And Susan too. She’s just as nice.

And Brenda - well although she’s cute - a little skinny too.

She’s just as nice as all the rest.

Then comes our Dear Sweet Bobby. He’s just a great big squirt.

But all the folks they like him, so that really shouldn’t hurt.

There’s Harry and wee Teddy. Like two cats on hot bricks.

We wouldn’t have them different eh, all in (can’t read her writing) - well that sticks.

Wee Philly and wee Timmy - the sweetest I am sure

Dear Lord. Let these be the last. (There would be one more - me!)

Don’t give them anymore!

And what about their mother.

Oh boy, she makes a stir - I think my son’s a lucky guy - to have a wife like her!

My dad was a lucky guy - and so am I blessed - to have the heritage of a great family!

I don’t know much but I know this…….I’m thankful for second chances.

C. S. Lewis said this - “You can’t go back and change the beginning but you can start where you are now.

Hurtful words come easily when you speak to another? Apologize and set a guard on your lips to not speak until you can control your tongue.

Living a life of laziness? Make a list and stick to it.

Road rage? Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Keep trying.

There was a time when one of my sons was picked to be one of 3 “extras” on his high school basketball team. I remember saying to him - practice harder, practice longer, be in the gym first, leave the gym last, pick up the balls, say “yes sir” to the coach! Wait and see. You will be given a second chance because someone will quit or get hurt. Sure enough, the time came and the coach picked him to play on the team.

Seven years, my first husband, Randy, collapsed while out for an ordinary 10 km run. It was something we both did regularly. Something ordinary turned out to be life changing. Randy passed away 7 days later. My life, quite normal up until this time, changed in a moment. I was now a widow. I was single after 35 years of marriage. I was a Gramma without her Grampa. I was half of a whole. I knew the love of God during those fragile days. I felt beaten and battered and bruised but also knew he was binding up my broken heart and healing my wounded spirit.

George Herbert said - “I live to show His power, who once did bring my joys to weep and now my griefs to sing.”

I know about second chances. God brought my second husband into my life - Harv (a widower himself) to once again enjoy the blessings of marriage and family. I love being married. I love that my kids have a step father who cares for them. I love that my grandkids have a Grampa in their lives. I love the joy of chatting about our day over supper. Thank You - God - for second chances.

I don’t know much but I know this…..I think outside fresh air and exercise are important. My sweet momma was a believer in kids playing outside in all kinds of weather - skating and sledding and street hockey in the winter and baseball and soccer in the summer. Getting a ride to school was unheard of. It was that way when our kids were growing up too. For them and for us. We all played hard, ate well and slept the night through. I know this that I still love all things sports, playing and cheering others on.

I don’t know much but I know this……I love and am loved. I bless and am blessed. I give and receive. And just like young Will at camp - all we want and have in this life is within reach. We just have to take a step of faith sometimes and go for it.

I heard a preacher say - “occasionally weep deeply over the life you hoped for; grieve the losses and feel the pain. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have.”

DO THE HARD THING

Recently I had a choice to make! Be mad! Be bitter! - Or - Be better! Rise above the situation!

It was Michelle Obama who said - “when they go low - I go high!” I’ve never forgotten that. She’s had plenty of opportunity to practice that in her life! I guess, I have too.

We all do.

Everyday we make decisions to take the high road or the low road.

Everyday I can be bitter that the virus has changed our lives - or not.

Everyday I can be angry with someone who has spoken unkindly - or not.

Everyday I can get ticked off at decisions that are made by others that affect how I live my life - or not.

If nothing else - this past year of Covid - 19 - of lockdowns - of shut downs - of stay at home orders - of no hugging allowed - of no visiting anybody except those who live in your house - of rules and regulations that have changed about how many can go to church - all these things and more have taught me that it’s been a fight to remain positive and optomistic and to rise up.

How did I do this?

I stopped reading and watching the news. I arranged to get my mom out of her Retirement Home to live with us. I walked thousands of kilometres. I FaceTimed and video chatted with grandkids and kids and siblings. I played trucks with my grandson - Jake - online - Jake in Ottawa and me in Kincardine. I played yahtzee with my sister - Brenda - every Thursday afternoon. I talked on my phone. I gardened.

But more than anything - I trusted in the One who promised to never leave me or forsake me. I’ve trusted in the promises of Scriptures like never before. It was Elizabeth Elliot who said - “At Bethlehem, Christ became God with us. At Calvary, Christ became God for us. At Pentecost, Christ became God in us.”!

The same Jesus who came into the world as a baby - the same Jesus who died on the cross - the same Jesus who breathed into the disciples at Pentecost - is with me today.

I texted.

Speaking of texts - it dawned on me just this morning that God was the first one to text. How often have we heard our pastors say - “our text this morning is……..!

The “text” I was thinking about today - was the one sent to Peter (the disciple). Peter and his friends were out on a boat on the sea of Galilee and a huge storm came up. A storm so great the disciples feared for their lives. These big - burly - disciples - some who had spent most of their lives on the water, fishing, were terrified - like a golden retriever during a thunderstorm. As these men sat quivering on the boat - they saw a figure (like a ghost) coming towards them - walking on the water. The figure speaks to them - and says - “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid!”

I wish I could have heard that voice. Peter did and he jumped out of the boat. He started to sink but Jesus again speaks and reminds Peter to keep his eyes fixed on the Lord and not on himself. And then….Peter walks on the water too. It would be so cool if that’s where the story ended. But it didn’t. The story goes on to say - that Peter took his eyes off Jesus and began to sink. That night, while walking on the water, Peter got distracted. He looked at his circumstances and felt afraid and the waves swept over him. But Jesus - immediately reached out His hand and caught him.

The only real security in the world - in the universe - is in this text from Jesus.

Take courage

It is I

Don’t be afraid

If I can’t find security in God - I won’t find it anywhere else.

Jamie George put it this way - “Jesus says to us - When you know Me, you have no reason to fear. I designed gravity. I control physics. I arranged the number of protons in the nucleus of every chemical compound. I have at my command every cycle, every weather pattern and every organism on the earth itself - in the universe - for that matter.”

So I have choice! We all do! Because our circumstances will be challenging at times. If it’s not Covid - it might be the death of a loved one - it might be the death of a marriage - it might be the loss of an occupation and financial security - it might be a break in a relationship with a friend or family member - it might be giving up a dream - it might be any of these things and so much more.

So…….

I choose to fight for the high road. I choose to fight for courage. I choose faith over fear.

I choose to be more patient with those who are hard to love.

I choose to be more tolerant and not so judgemental.

I choose to criticize less and encourage more.

I choose to love more deeply and hate less.

I choose to be kinder and not harsh.

I choose to give more than I receive.

I choose to be more open to those who have different opinions than me.

I choose to keep my eyes on the One who spoke to Peter.

Helen Keller said - it’s an inner civil war. Your mind says yes but your heart and feet say no. It’s always a choice though. Do the hard thing.

At the end of the day - go high.

Passing The Baton

The most thrilling event in the Olympics is the men’s 4x100 metre relay. I love watching the four fastest runners from each country line up in their zones and then run like the wind for 100 metres - passing the baton in the marked zone. If there are 10 lanes on the track - that means there are 40 men - in their positions - waiting for their opportunity to carry the baton and then pass it successfully on to the next man on their team. It’s thrilling to watch when the baton is passed correctly. It’s painful to watch when the baton is dropped or fumbled.

When I was in Junior hight school I ran track. I once even got to participate on a relay team - I ran the second leg of the race. It was a long time ago but I do recall the race didn’t go well for our team. We didn’t practice enough learning the art of the exchange of the baton. One of us stepped out of our lane on the exchange and we were disqualified from the entire race. Disappointment for all of us! But it was only a junior high race and none of us were going to be Olympians anyway.

As most of you know - my mom passed away on January 26th - at the age of 100 and a half! Mom slipped away peacefully in our home - just as she had wanted to. She was the last of that generation in our family to leave this world. Because of Covid restrictions, Harvey and I weren’t able to travel to eastern Ontario to attend her burial service. Her service was attended by my siblings and their spouses who live close by. My brother Bob led the service and his words that day sparked my thoughts about the passing of the baton - not literally - but wisdom from one generation to the next.

What does it mean to be part of the oldest generation in my family now? What does that mean for me personally? My parents and aunts and uncles are gone now. They lived - they poured their lives into us - they shared their ideas and guidance - but now it’s us - it’s me. Even now as I write - I HEAR MY MOM’S VOICE and so these are some of the things mom passed to me and my siblings that I want to pass on to my kids and grandkids and the generations that follow.

My son, Ben, made these shirts for our family. This picture of my mom was taken cir. 1960.

#1. GRATEFULNESS

There is always a choice between gratefulness and hatefulness. I used to sing a song to my kids and it went something like this! “Are you humbly grateful or grumbly hateful - what’s your attitude? Do you grumble and groan or let it be known, you’re grateful for all God’s done for you?”

My Mom was adopted by her grandparents when she was only two. Her birth mother died at the young age of 22 leaving my mom and another daughter, 8 month old Melba. Their father was unable to care for his two wee baby girls and that’s when my maternal great grandparents stepped in. My Mom told this story over and over again in her later years about these two wonderful people who put their own lives on hold to care for their two grand-daughters. Mom would say - “when their friends were foot loose and fancy free my grandparents took me and my sister and began raising a second family.” Never once did I ever hear my Mom complain that she was raised by old people. Never once did I ever hear my Mom criticize her birth father for not stepping up to the plate. Mom was forever grateful for her upbringing and the care and love these two gave her. Gratefulness goes a long way. We always can be grateful for something.

#2. MAKE GOOD MEMORIES

During the last few years of Mom’s life she had 5 or 6 favourite stories or sayings and this was one of them.

“My head is full of good memories” - she’d often say when I’d ask her what she was thinking.

Whether it was an impromptu picnic to the beach - coffee with a friend - vacations at the campground - their trailer in Florida - visits from us kids at the lake - these were the things Mom filled her life with. She often spoke of her grandfather taking her and her sister downtown on Saturday night for an ice-cream treat. They would walk (no one had a car except one man on their street - who was showing it off one afternoon to the neighbours and promptly drove it into his garage door but that’s another memory) and each little girl would hold their grandfather’s hand - one on his right and one on his left. She loved her grandfather. As Mom lay in her bed the last few weeks - these good memories comforted her. I think this was instilled into me at a young age and that’s why I’m always planning something. It won’t be money or fame or maybe even health we cling to at the end of our lives - it will be the people who are with us and those we made memories with.

#3. EAT TOGETHER

My Mom cooked for at least 11 people every meal for a lot of years. Mom loved to cook and bake. We ate in the kitchen for breakfast and lunch but for supper - we ate in the dining room. Mom set a beautiful table and our family ate together - every night. We had a big bay window and neighbours and friends would comment to mom - “we saw your family around your table last night”! That was important to Mom that we would have this time together. Our conversations around the table were lively and fun. Strays were always welcome. There are two men who continued to call mom up until the week before she died who regularly ate at our dinner table - young boys who were welcomed to our table because they were lonely and alone. It’s so important to spend time around the table - talking and laughing - sometimes weeping and sad - but always sharing life together.

#4. WORK HARD

Mom - “What day is today?”

Me - “Monday”

Mom - “Wash day”

Mom - “What day is today?”

Me - ” Saturday”

Mom - “Bake day”

Mom - “What day is today?”

Me - “Tuesday”

Mom - “Ironing day”

Mom worked very hard all her life and instilled in her children the essence of work as well. When my sister was here for the two weeks we went through our family list (162 to date) and made note of the jobs the children and grandchildren work at. It was quite fascinating.

The Castle family has - 20 teachers - 15 business owners and employees - 9 nurses - 7 office staff - 11 blue collar workers - 1 lawyer - 8 pastors and ministry workers - 7 parents who work in their homes caring for the children - 3 doctors - 5 medical staff and 2 police. We have an influence in a lot of places.

Our parents both worked hard all their lives and exemplified this ethic to us.

As kids at home we all had our chores to do. No freeloading. Make your bed. Pick up your clothes. Dry the dishes. Shovel the driveway. Do your homework. Practice the piano. Get ‘er done and then have fun.

#5. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FAMILY

At the age of 16, Mom graduated from high school and got a job at the paper mill where she became the Pay Master’s secretary. Mom told us (over and over again) about the women who had permission to come to the mill on Friday afternoon to get their husband’s cheques before the men got off work - or else the men would cash out their cheques - head straight to the local bar and drink and gamble the money away. None of the money would make it home for their wives and children. Mom would finish the story and say ‘my Stan never did that!” She saw it with her own eyes when she was a young impressionable woman - drunks hurt families. “Stay away from that stuff” - she’d say.

Five nights before Mom died - my niece - set up a Zoom call for us siblings and Mom. It took a few minutes to get 8 seniors online - with the video and speakers all working! It was a remarkable 45 minutes. One sister read scripture - one brother prayed for Mom - I sang a hymn - and all shared with Mom our love for her and what a special mother she was to us. Mom spoke to all of us near the end of the call - and there was not a dry eye among us. We sang the hymn - I NEED THEE EVERY HOUR - and mom mouthed all the words -

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord.

No tender voice like Thine, can peace afford.

I need Thee, O I need Thee. Every hour I need Thee!

O bless me now, my Saviour - I come to Thee.

I was sleeping in mom’s room the nights before she passed away - and as we were drifting off to sleep one night I said to mom - “are you afraid?” Mom sat up in bed as best as she could - she was pretty weak - but in her firm voice she said “absolutely not!”

They are gone now! Dad! Mom! The aunts and the uncles! The generation of the 20th century who instilled wise values in my life. Now it’s up to me. It’s up to my siblings. It’s up to you too. Tell the stories. Call your kids and grandkids. Spend vacations together. Be an example to the generations coming along. Don’t wait. Make plans.

I accept the baton.

WHAT IF.........

What if…..Joseph (as in Joseph and Mary) decided not to take Mary as his wife? What if he decided that his reputation and standing in his community was more important than listening to an angel? An angel for heaven’s sake! What if he let them (the bad guys) humiliate Mary and stone her because she was pregnant without the benefit of a husband? What if he wasn’t a man of integrity and decided he just wanted a nice business in a nice town with a nice wife who wasn’t pregnant already?

BUT HE WAS

What if…..Mary said “pick some other teenager - not me”? What if Mary said “I am not your willing servant”? I don’t really want to be the mother of the Messiah - I want to be Joseph’s wife - the wife of a carpenter - in our nice little town - I don’t want to be gossiped about - I don’t want to be made fun of - I don’t want my parents to think I slept around. What if Mary decided to have an abortion?

BUT SHE DIDN’T

What if…..the Magi decided not to heed their dreams and went back to the evil King Herod - and told him about finding the child - Jesus? What if they had believed King Herod - that he too, wanted to worship this Christ child? The Magi had nothing to lose. They were simply following a star. What if those wisemen had not returned to their own country by another route?

BUT THEY DID

What if…..children understood that the world is out to steal their souls? What if boys and girls understood that honesty and kindness and gratefulness and sharing and all those good things we need to function well as adults - don’t come naturally? What if they understood that their parents and grandparents and caregivers work diligently to install these characteristics in their young charges?

What things?

Don’t lie!

Don’t cheat!

Don’t sass!

Obey quickly!

Speak kindly!

Share!

What if kids understood that it’s out of love that their parents monitor what they watch on the television - on their tablets - on their computers - on their screens! What if they knew how exhausting it is to parent - 24 hours a day - 7 days a week - 4 weeks a month - 12 months a year! Day after day.

BUT THEY DON’T AND PARENTS KEEP ON - KEEPING ON

What if….. husbands and wives throw in the towel (so to speak) when things get tough? What if - one spouse wants something and the other doesn’t and a compromise must be made- but no one gives in? What if - neither one - says “I’m sorry” when harsh words have been spoken?

One of the coolest parts of having my mom live with us is her memories of my dad and their marriage of 69 years. She now calls him “Stan, the man!” Oh yes, I heard some of their arguments when I was a teenager but those are long forgotten in my mom’s memory bank. She speaks of my dad with awe and love and reverence. What a good and faithful husband and father he was. What a respected worker at the mill for 42 years he was. How thankful I am for my parent’s good example to me about marriage and working through the hard parts of it to produce good memories.

What if - husbands and wives - remember their vows “till death parts us”?

WE MUST

What if…..brothers and sisters didn’t get along?

I can’t imagine not having my siblings sharing the journey of caring for our mom these days. I can’t imagine not receiving their texts, their messages, their emails, their phone calls of love and encouragement. My siblings and their spouses are one of God’s greatest gifts to me. I don’t even think of my in-laws as in-laws! We are all blue bloods! (Inside family joke). We’re certainly opinionated! We’re strong! We may even disagree on certain things but at the end of the day - we would take a bullet for each other. In these crazy days - we need our siblings to have our backs.

THEY DO

What if…..athletes stopped training when it got boring or tiring or too much of an effort I don’t pretend to be a world class athlete but I’ve participated in enough running races (5 kms - half marathons) that I know you can’t just show up the day of the race and expect to do well., The training has to start months before the race. Winter, spring, summer, autumn. Get out there and pound the pavement. Get those speed workouts in. Got those long distances in. It doesn’t matter if it’s raining or snowing - get out there. What if we decided to set a goal in 2021 to do something active? What if we wrote it down? What if we sign up for a class? What if we try something new?

WE SHOULD

What if…..in 2021…..we would be intentional about loving our family and friends?

That…..

We would sincerely love.

We would hate what is evil.

We would cling to what is good.

We would be devoted to one another in love.

We would honour one another above ourselves.

We would never be lacking in zeal but would serve God and each other.

We would be joyful in hope. We would be patient in affliction. We would be faithful in prayer.

We would share with each other. We would practice hospitality (as soon as this Lockdown is over).

We would forgive those who hurt us.

We would rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.

We would not be conceited.

We would not repay evil for evil.

We would live at peace with our neighbours and friends and family.

We would not take revenge when we are taken advantage of.

We would overcome evil with good.

WE WILL

2021 is going to be epic - my friends.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A 100 YEAR OLD

My mom has been with us for just over one month and it’s like she has always lived with us. We have settled into a pretty good routine. Consistency is good for 100 year olds!

My mom was diagnosed with Lewy Body disease about 8 and 1/2 years ago. (Lewy body dementia (LBD) is a disease associated with abnormal deposits of a protein called alpha-synuclein in the brain. These deposits, called Lewy bodies, affect chemicals in the brain whose changes, in turn, can lead to problems with thinking, movement, behaviour, and mood). It’s a nasty combination of dementia and Parkinson’s - the “good” thing about the dementia part is that mom knows her kids but forgets mostly everything else that has happened in the last minutes/hours/days.

Mom has settled into our home easily and loves her view of Lake Huron. She doesn’t miss a thing going by on Boiler Beach Road.

What do our days look like now?

Most mornings begin with a smoothie for mom - which I call a milkshake - because smoothie isn’t in a 100 year old’s vocabulary. I add some protein in because that’s about all mom eats for breakfast. I usually make enough for two or three days so the blender isn’t humming every morning. One morning, last week, I must have been a wee bit weary because mom’s milkshake was like none other she had ever had before. I opened the fridge - scooped some smoothie into her glass - added some milk, stirred it and stuck a straw in it. Mom took a sip - but then declined it. “No thank you” - she said, “I’m too tired for anything right now”. Funny! Mom usually downs half the glass right away. I came back a little while later and noticed the smoothie was quite lumpy and I knew something wasn’t quite right. I went back to the fridge - looked in the container and realized my mistake. I poured gravy (from our chicken dinner the night before) into the glass - mixed the gravy with milk - and asked my poor momma to drink it. I was laughing when I went back into her room to explain the wicked taste of her milkshake! We laughed together and mom quipped - “did you at least heat it up?”

Mom doesn’t love mornings! She says she had to get up early all her life when she was taking care of her large family and now is the time to rest, so mom naps and rests most of the morning. But pretty much every morning - her sweet little great grand daughter (my grand daughter) - face times with Gramma Alice!

Shortly after 9 (after the big kids have gone to school) - Indigo - calls and wants to talk with Gramma Alice. These two - what a huge blessing to listen to their conversation - Indie showing Gramma Alice her latest lego building - they even sing together - Twinkle twinkle - and - Jesus Loves Me. After the call is over, Mom doesn’t remember it but always for Indy - she’ll have memories of talking with her 100 year old great Gramma.

Mom spends about 22 - 23 hours in bed everyday. It’s a big effort to get up. Her body is frail. Her old bones hurt. The years of hard work have taken their toll, but we do our best to make her day special. We play music for her - hymns and songs she knows and loves - constantly - or I sing to her. We have watched one or two Hallmark movies and I always ask mom if she thinks the characters will fall in love! Sometimes I crawl in bed with mom and we watch a video that a family member has sent. For Christmas this year - I asked our family to send Gramma videos of themselves wishing her Christmas blessings. They are spiritual moments. I remind mom who it is and then we make a video and send it back to that family member.

We eat lunch in mom’s room with her - Mom loves little bites of fruit and cheese and soft, thin bread and always a cookie.

Each day Harv and I have two hours of “free time” when one of our lovely nurses comes to stay with mom. They are such sweet women and we are grateful for them and their personal care for mom.

I try to convince mom to get up for an hour around supper time - sometimes she does - sometimes she doesn’t. She has eaten at the dining room table with us about half of the nights she has been here and we are always pleased for her that she has made an effort. Mom loves to chat - she says “there’s nothing wrong with my tongue!”

Most evenings we watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy and then Mom is pretty much ready for “bed”.

Our conversations during the day revolve around “Stan the man” (my dad) - the pie she secretly made for him (and hid until dessert time) when they were newly married - her work at the mill when she was 16 - when she was the paymaster’s secretary and knew who made what - Dad’s retirement party and how the “big wigs” from Montreal came to honour him - the fact that with each pregnancy (9 of them) her friends commented “not again!” - that she was adopted and raised by her grandparents when she was two - and we listen as if hearing if for the first time!

I’m learning new things.

I’m learning to move more slowly.

I’m learning that when I rub lotion on Mom’s body - not to rub too hard. Mom’s skin is fragile - like paper.

I’m learning to eat more slowly to match the eating pace of a centenarian.

I’m learning that some things I used to do are just not that important right now.

I’m also learning that daily physical exercise is crucial to my own well being in order to care for my Mom well.

We have some great laughs!

But………..there have been some rough moments.

The tears have come easily - for both of us. Mom sometimes gets frustrated with her body that has given way to the aging process. Her legs are weak. It’s hard to walk the 15 steps to the washroom. Mom remembers when “the grass didn’t grow under her feet.” She remembers her active life as a wife and mother. Aging is hard. Her body hurts from lying down and yet it’s so much of an effort to sit up. But mostly she misses Dad and wants to go to be with him. She’s lonely for heaven.

And in those hard moments - I pray over my mom - “As your days are - so shall your strength be.” That verse has become our theme. I pray this verse over mom several times a day. I pray that verse over Harv and I as we lovingly care for mom. I remind mom that God has indeed given her this long life and He is sustaining her until the end.

“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High - will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord - “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God , in whom I trust.”

Luke

My grandson - Luke - said “Thank God Gramma Alice has lived to be 100!”

Gramma Alice is a Rock Star to her great grandchildren.

You are right Lukie! By Gramma Alice living to 100, we her family have the opportunity to care for her - to know she is safe - to know she is clean - to know she is eating well - to know that even though she can’t remember phone calls and face time visits - she can be reminded that her family loves her.

As your days are - so shall your strength be.”

CHRISTMAS - PAST - PRESENT - FUTURE

“I heard the bells on Christmas day - their old familiar carol play - and wild and sweet the words repeat - of peace on earth good will to men!”

It was all so simple then.

Christmas Eve is pretty much my favourite night of the whole year. The gifts are wrapped - the cookies are baked - the turkey is ready to be stuffed - the veggies prepared - the breakfast cinnamon buns ready to be baked - the tree is lit - the overhead lights are turned down low - the Christmas Eve service has come and gone (one Christmas Eve - we watched two pre teen boys turn their candles ever so slightly and drip wax from the balcony to the seats below - or the night the whole church erupted in laughter as a gentleman in the back pew passed a rather loud amount of gas that reverberated over and over again and my boys lost it as did everyone else) - I digress - Christmas Day is almost here.

Growing up in the 60’s and 70’s was pretty sweet. I remember the Christmas I received a new doll - complete with the homemade clothes mom had sewed after I was in bed and the cradle my dad made for me. I can still see it under the tree that morning when I was 5 years old. I remember the year I got a “Chatty Cathy” doll. I remember the year my brothers and I got new sleds and right after Christmas dinner we headed to the hill to slide for the rest of the day.

When I was a young mom - it was my turn to make Christmas perfect for our children. I remember the year the boys got their golf clubs and we gave out clues for them to find them - ending up at our neighbours down the street. I remember sharing Christmas Day with friends - who were like family - when we couldn’t get “home”. I remember decorating our tree together - even waiting one year until almost Christmas Day so we could do it together. I remember Risk games that turned not so Christmasy! I remember singing The Messiah every year - watching White Christmas and The Sound of Music. (Why do we watch The Sound of Music at Christmas?) I remember the first year we had 3 grand babies under the age of 1 come for Christmas - with their parents of course. Oh my heart. I have no words. Nothing more blesses the heart than watching your children’s children.

The carol “I heard the bells on Christmas Day” was one of my dad’s favourite’s and the words were written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and then adapted by Johny Marks. Henry Longfellow penned the words to this carol in 1863 - a 57 year old widower with 6 children - the oldest having been wounded in the American civil war - even with all these difficult things - he had great hope. He believed that the Christmas music - though old - was familiar - and the words on repeat were peace to men on earth. Christmases past. So many great memories.

Christmas 2020!!!

“And in despair I bowed my head - there is no peace on earth I said - For hate is strong and mocks the song - of peace on earth, good will to men!”

• Stay home

• Stay away from family and friends

• Be afraid

• Death

• Disease

• Despair

• Fear

• Loneliness

I refuse - to give in to F-E-A-R.

365 times in the Bible it says “fear not”! In fact, those were the words that the angel, Gabriel said to Mary! “Fear not, Mary, you have found favour with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will call His name Jesus. Don’t be afraid Mary!” Guess what Mary did? Exactly that. Mary said - “I am the Lord’s servant - may your word to me be fulfilled”. (I want to be like Mary).

I will not fear this Christmas. I will not listen to inner voices or outer voices that tell me to be afraid.

I will sing Mary’s song this year - “My soul glorifies the Lord - my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour - for the Mighty One has done great things for me - holy is His name.

I will sing the carols at the top of my lungs.

I will bake cookies and share them with my neighbours and friends.

I will sing The Messiah from start to finish.

I will mail Christmas cards to family and friends who live far away.

I will cook a great big turkey dinner (for 3).

I will rejoice.

I will glory in the story of the shepherds, the angels - the couple - the Baby.

Upper Canada Village



Then pealed the bells more loud and sweet - God is not dead nor doth He sleep - The wrong shall fail - the right prevail - with peace on earth - good will to men!

Christmas in Moosonee



Christmas in Morrisburg

The future is bright. Why? Come and behold Him - born this happy morning - Christ the Lord. The future is bright - not because COVID may be gone - not because who wins or doesn’t win an election - not because of protests or no protests - not because sports may or may not happen - not because we can go south again and escape the Ontario winters….no the future is bright because we trust in that Baby of Bethlehem - the future is bright because the WORD became flesh and dwelt among us - the future is bright because one very ordinary night with ordinary sheep and ordinary shepherds God did something extraordinary - the future is bright because that night the sky exploded with angels and music announcing the birth of a KING.

We will eat together again.

We will laugh and play games.

We will sing loudly and proudly.

We will cuddle and hug our grandchildren.

We will worship together again in our churches on Christmas Eve.

We will watch our grandchildren go to bed on Christmas Eve with the anticipation of gifts and treats under the tree.

It will happen.

WHEN I LOOK AT YOU I SEE............

…..a beautiful baby girl born to a handsome WW1 war hero and his precious bride. My grandparents were married in 1919 and a year later, Alice, my mom was born.

My grandparents were good people - so young and so hopeful for a long future together.
The war was over, my grandfather had a job and my grandmother stayed home to care for my mom and then, her younger sister born the next year. Two babies in 14 months and they were a happy and content family of four. Tragedy struck the next year. My grandmother passed away suddenly at the age of 24 - leaving a 2 year old, a 14 month old and my grandfather was lost without her.

I see you infant daughter of Pliny and Winnifred.

…….a two year old adopted by her maternal grandparents. If you were to come over to visit my mom today, there would be 4 or 5 things she would tell you. These things are on repeat. The first thing she would tell you was that she was “thankful to the Lord for my parents, who were really my grandparents.” She still has the scrap of paper her father signed to give the girls and the wedding presents to her grandparents. Incredulous really. Mom says “When I think of it, I had a very protected childhood. I definitely did, but when I kept my grandchildren, that’s when I learned why my mother was the way she was. When you are keeping someone else’s children you don’t want anything to happen to them. My grandmother lost her daughter in 1922 and then lost her son, my Uncle Frank, two years later - to TB.”

I see that toddler who doesn’t remember her birth mother and looks forward to meeting her in heaven one day.

…….a young woman of 16 who just graduated high school and began her first job at Domtar - “the mill”. Mom’s first job was sorting papers! Boring, boring boring. She made $9.00 a week and gave $5.00 to her mother for room and board. A few months later, mom was told to report to the office as the staff were behind in their typing. She never went back to sorting paper. She worked for the paymaster, typing up the cheques, answering the telephone and telegrams. She had permission to give the cheques to some of the wives on Friday afternoon before their husbands finished the shift as the men would squander the money at the bar and it would be mostly gone before they got home. She worked for two years.

I see that young woman.

……an eighteen year old bride. “We were engaged at 17. The engagement wasn’t all that romantic but he (Stan) had the ring in his pocket and he couldn’t wait to give it to me! He proposed right there and then and we were married a year later - August 27, 1938.

I see that bride.

Another story that is on repeat is the story of mom’s first pie she made for dad. Apparently she made an apple pie and hid it in the cupboard. After supper she brought the creation to the table and dad apparently said - “you know how to make a pie!” Apparently he was quite impressed with his new bride.

I see you - beautiful young bride who loved and adored her husband “Stan the man!”

……..a busy wife and mother to 9 children. Mom had babies from 1940 - 1958 - and took good care of her home and family. She says “we had lots of fun as a family and not costly fun as we didn’t have much money. We played lots of games with our kids. “One time Stan saw in the paper that swings and a teeter-totter were for sale. So, after the kids were in bed went out and looked at them and by darned, he came home with them and had it all set up by the morning!” The kids were all surprised and so were the neighbours. Mom says every kid in the neighbourhood played in our yard. There wasn’t a blade of grass when you stepped off the back step!

I see you young mom - middle aged mom - older mom.

……grandmother to 27 and great grandmother to 72 and great great grandmother to 8. My parents retired to beautiful Devil Lake near Westport, Ontario. They spent almost 17 years there before the property became too much for them to take care of in their later years. The cottage was a gathering place for the family. Most weekends - many of us gathered for family time together. Saturdays for supper was hamburgers and Sunday suppers was chicken and potatoes and salads. We lived further away so didn’t always make it for a lot of day trips but for 17 years we spent a week or two of our holidays at the lake and a week between Christmas and New Years. We swam, fished, boated in dad’s little piece of tin, played games, and made memories. My mom and dad babysat for all of us - a day here - a day there - a weekend getaway and the occasional week (if necessary). Our kids loved when Gramma and Grampa came to our house but if you asked any of my boys, their memories are of the lake when they were kids.

I see you Grammie.

And now - in these declining days, mom’s memory and life revolve around the things I have mentioned. She often says “there was a time the grass didn’t grow under my feet! Now all I do is lie around!”

I see you!

And when I look at you I remember the span of your life and all the things you were. Those things make you the incredible woman you are today.

I see you.

IT TAKES A VILLAGE.....

Sunday - November 15th arrived in all its blustery force.

High winds!

Stormy skies!

Rain!

Sleet!

Gusts over 100 km an hour!

And so did my mom - arrive - in our home that day!

My brother and his wife arrived with a truck load of her things around noontime. A few men from our church came over to help unload the bed, the chair and countless boxes of clothing, books and cards!

Two hours later, the van carrying mom arrived with my sisters and brother-in-law.

What a huge trip from eastern Ontario for our 100 year-old mother. She was a lot confused - tired - and a little put out. The winds from Lake Huron whipped across the road and blew her hair askew and the rain slapped at her face. We covered her as best we could and after a time managed to get her in the wheel chair - out of the van - up the front steps - and into the house! Mom didn’t know where she was - what had happened to her - that she had travelled 500 kms or so - but she did know us.

This week - the hymn - Day by Day - has resonated through my mind constantly.

Day by day and with each passing moment - Strength I find to meet my trials here.

Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment - I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.

Monday we found out that we would not receive any Home Care from the network that helps seniors. (I’ve no cause for worry or for fear). On Tuesday morning I began phoning private agencies to see about help for mom and to give Harv and I respite. One company said they had to shut down because of COVID and at another I left a message and still another offered no help.

A verse I cherish and have prayed many times is - “when any of you lack wisdom - ask of Me (God)! And so I asked! “Show me God - which way to turn!” The answer came quite quickly. ASK YOUR PICKLE BALL FRIENDS! I did and within minutes one friend had given me a name of a retired nurse who was willing to help us and the next day, a second friend gave me the name of another retired nurse who was also willing to help us. I met with both of these precious women - angels really - and they will begin tomorrow.

He whose heart is kind beyond all measure - Gives unto each day what He deems best.

Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure - Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Mom’s doctor is in Cornwall and I was unsure how to proceed with that part of the plan and so once again I phoned a young woman who is a Nurse Practitioner and providentially she was having a meeting with some of her colleagues that evening. The meeting ended up not happening but she made some phone calls, called me back with vital information that will help with mom’s ongoing care.

The Village continues to care.

My sister-in-law messaged me this morning with a sad story that was on the news last evening. “A 90 year old lady in Toronto was living in a Retirement Residence there. Before Covid she was a vibrant - social woman - out every day - shopping and lunching with friends - going to the library - all that stopped when the lockdowns began last March. The woman started to decline, spent her days on her bed, lost interest in life because her social connections were gone. Late summer when more lockdowns were forecast, she applied to her doctor for assisted dying. At first she was refused but as she continued to decline, her doctor agreed and she passed away.” This is heart breaking. We are so thankful that our mom is no longer in lockdown where none of her 9 kids, 27 grandkids, 72 great grandkids and 8 great great grandkids have any access to her.

Mom is settling in. She knows where her room is - a beautiful room that overlooks Lake Huron. She knows where her bathroom is - right across the hall! She knows Harv and I.

Harv put up 4 pictures right by her bed that are familiar to her - a family picture taken in 1960 - a picture of our dad - Mom’s beloved husband “Stan the man” - and their wedding picture - taken August 27, 1938.

Mom’s right leg is quite weak. A month or so ago on my sister’s first visit into mom’s room, she discovered a bruise on mom’s leg that went from her knee to her ankle. We have no idea what happened as Mom can’t remember. It’s going to take a long time to heal.

With that I sing the second verse of the hymn-

Every day the Lord Himself is near me - with a special mercy for each hour.

All my cares He fain would bear and cheer me - He whose name is Counselor and Pow’r.

The protection of His child and treasure - Is a charge that on Himself He laid.

“As thy days thy strength shall be in measure” - this the pledge to me He made.

I pray for strength for mom every time she has to make the 15 steps to use the washroom.

Team Alice has a great Village -

• my siblings

• my church

• my pickle ball friends

• our care givers

• the nurse practitioner

• my friends who text daily

• my kids and grandkids who phone and FaceTime

The last verse of the hymn goes like this -

Help me then in ev’ry tribulation - so to trust Thy promises, O Lord

That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation - offered me within Thy holy Word.

Help me Lord, when toil and trouble meeting - e’re to take, as from a father’s hand -

One by one, the days, the moment’s fleeting - ‘Til I reach the Promised Land.

Our village is a good one and each night as I close my eyes, I thank God for each one of them.

Mom with her grandson, Pete and her great granddaughter, Adele.

LIFE OF A PICKLE BALLER

I moved to Kincardine in April 2016 when I married my husband, Harvey. During the first year of our marriage we did everything together. We took the Bible verse from Deuteronomy 24:5 very seriously. “When a man is newly married, he is not to be sent off to war or sent away to do public duty. He must be allowed to stay home for a year and make his wife happy!” We travelled, we golfed, we enjoyed yummy meals, we walked, we rode our bikes, we visited our kids and grandkids and extended family, we shopped - everything we did - we did together. It was a magical first year of marriage.

It was early into our second year of marriage that I discovered the game of Pickleball. Pickleball is a paddleball sport that combines elements of badminton, table tennis and tennis. The game is played on a badminton court, has a net, and players use paddles and a plastic ball. There are rules (of course) but it is an easy game to play. After my first introduction to this game - I was hooked and I haven’t looked back. I try to play two or three or four times a week.

DRESSING UP FOR CHRISTMAS PICKLEBALL WITH MY FRIEND - TERRI. (Sorry the photo is a bit blurred - it’s not your eyes!)

Here are some things I have learned while playing pickle ball that apply to life!

#1. BE HONOURABLE.

There are no referees or umpires in the game of pickleball. Everyone must call their own faults and lines. Most people are very honourable and make the right calls. But - some don't. Sometimes you or them - get it wrong. If you step in the “kitchen” and smash the ball - that’s a fault and even if your toe touches the line a tiny bit, it’s still a fault. Be honourable and call yourself on it. If the ball is out and it’s on your side, call it out. If it’s close, give the benefit to your opponent. This is hard to do when the score is close, but do it anyway.

OFF THE COURT WE ARE CALLED TO BE HONOURABLE AS WELL. I’m doing a Bible study in the book of Matthew this fall and living honourably reminds me of the teaching of the Beatitudes in the Bible. The Beatitudes are part of Jesus’ first sermon to His followers and his words were unexpected. He said that weakness is strength. He said dependence on God is power. He said that the religious, the cheats, the liars, and the ones who think they are righteous - are equally dependent on grace. The Beatitudes are so counter-cultural. They are upside down. Jesus shocks His listeners and us when He says things like - “you have heard it said to the people long ago - ‘you shall not murder’ but I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment.” What? Say again? Anger or malice that is nursed inwardly makes people destroyers instead of builders. I would rather be a builder instead of a destroyer. Or how about this one - “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.” Rejoice - when someone undeserving is shown grace. That’s a struggle for a lot of us. Hey! In everyday life - DO THE RIGHT THING - BE HONOURABLE!

ELIZABETH ELLIOT SAID - “IF YOUR GOAL IS PURITY AND HONOUR - BE PREPARED TO BE THOUGHT VERY ODD!”

#2. PLAYERS PLAY AT DIFFERENT LEVELS.

Ratings in Pickleball go from Level 1.0 (beginner) to Level 5 (top players). Ratings are used primarily for tournament or league play and it’s helpful to know your rating even while playing in your own club. In our little town we have level one players right up to 4.5. Pickleball in Kincardine - though - is drop in - not league play, so we play all together. Sometimes you play with a newbee and other times you play against very skilled players. The thing is - we all play together. Sometimes we have to up our game in order to play with the more skilled players and sometimes we have to tone it down a notch when playing with a beginner. The thing is - we all are at different levels but we all play together.

OFF THE COURT WE LIVE AND ASSOCIATE WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE DIFFERENT FROM US AS WELL. Imagine how sad it would be if we all were the same height, had the same colour of hair, weighed the same, had the same skin colour, the same interests, the same skill levels, read the same books, watched the same shows, ate the same foods, had the same schedules, and hung out with the same people all the time.

Because I have moved several times in my adult life, I have had to reach out - become open and vulnerable - in order to make new friends. I have joined choirs, gym classes, church groups, neighbourhood coffee get-togethers, bookclubs, walking clubs, golf courses and have met hundreds of people - some very different from me but each one poured something new into my life and me into them. Some made me uncomfortable. Some I made uncomfortable. Some whom I loved immediately and some not! The thing is - real life is allowing ourselves to be in relationship with others who are not exactly like us but we still get along!

#3. WORK ON THOSE SKILLS.

Always be in ready position!

Learn how to dink!

Dink early and dink often!

Perfect your 3rd shot!

Serving is the key!

Groundstrokes!

Lobbing!

Getting to the line!

Forehand!

Backhand!

There are so many skills involved in this wonderful game and so much to work on. In any match - your opponents will quickly discover your weak area and always try to capitalize on it. Deep on the left side of the court is where many players have difficulties - if you are a right handed player. That’s me! My backhand is one of the weakest parts of my game. It’s an area that always needs more work. And that 3rd shot drop shot? So difficult to be consistent. But I work and work and work on perfecting it.

LIFE SKILLS WORK THE SAME WAY.

Love sincerely.

Hate what is evil.

Cling to what is good.

Don’t repay evil for evil.

Don’t take revenge.

Live at peace with everyone.

Be joyful.

Share your home with others (but not during Covid)!

If you don’t have anything nice to say - don’t say it at all.

#4. THERE’S ALWAYS TOMORROW

Most days I have a lot of fun at pickleball and it’s great exercise. It’s pretty easy to put 10,000 steps on my fitbit in 2 hours of play. Two weeks ago - though - it wasn’t fun. I felt sluggish. My game was off. My serves were zipping into the net or flying out past the backline. My lobs were hitting the ceiling. My 3rd shot drop shot was not existent. The longer the afternoon went on - the worse I seemed to play. I went home early.

Some days in real life - are like that too. It seems conversations don’t go the way you want them to. It seems you take things the wrong way. You are crusty with the kids. You are short with your spouse. You snarl at the dog! And the dog snarls back! You get what I mean.

The good news is - after a week lay off of pickleball - I went back this week and all was well. The shots were (mostly) going where I wanted them to go. I had fun again. I worked up a sweat.

With my mom moving in on Sunday - I’m not sure how much pickleball I’ll get in in the next few months but when I do have a free afternoon - you know where I’ll be - at the Davidson Centre - dinking with my pickleball posse!

We're having someone new!

It was early in 2020 that we first started hearing about the Coronavirus. Really - at first - it didn’t affect our lives in any way! Harv and I were in Florida enjoying the heat, the golf, the ocean, bbq’s, pickle ball, church suppers, the pool and walking the long stretches of the Gulf coast. Like everyone else in North America, we didn’t think the virus would ever affect our day to day life.

We were wrong.

The whole world was affected by the virus very quickly and very quickly we were on our way home from the sunny south to not-quite-spring in Kincardine.

Life changed for all of us overnight. What we took for granted was no more. Two things were heartbreaking for me personally. We couldn’t attend our local church and we couldn’t visit my Mom in her Retirement Home. I have attended church pretty much every Sunday for 62 years and it was shocking to me that the churches were closed. I cried most Sunday mornings as the new normal began….something called Zoom. The second thing that broke my heart was that my Mom was in lockdown in her Retirement Residence. We called everyday and arranged FaceTime calls but for five months not one of my siblings or her grandchildren had access to visit her. To make matters worse - the dining room in her Residence was also closed - so my 99 year old mother ate all her meals alone in her room for five months. Tears - tears and more tears.

Mom turned 100 in July.

This is my mom - Alice. She and my dad - Stan - had 9 children - 27 grandchildren - 72 great grandchildren and 8 great, great grandchildren. There are 162 of us to date. The huge celebration we had planned was whittled down from 150 - to 15. Covid!

Just as Mom’s Retirement Home opened up for two of my siblings to have in - room visits - once a week for one hour - it has closed down again. We determined as a family, we would not leave mom alone for the long winter days and nights alone. No way. It was not going to happen.

So - Harv and I are expanding our family. Mom is coming to live with us!

No more eating alone.

No more long days looking out the window at the wall of the next building.

No more days of not getting a hug or a touch or a caress.

Mom’s days will be filled with all the love Harv and I can give her. Her view from her bedroom will be looking at the Caribbean blue waters of Lake Huron (well not so blue once the snow flies). She won’t wonder if the staff brought her lunch or supper. She won’t lie on her bed all day long - unmotivated to get up. We will sing. We will chat. We will read. We will rest. We will be with her.

Our mom cared for her parents (who were really her grandparents as her mom died when she was but two years old) and nursed them through their old age. Both her parents died at home. We’re trusting we can do the same for her.

Our mom longs for Heaven and looks forward to going “Home” to be with Jesus. She looks forward to seeing Dad and Tim and Bill and Randy and countless numbers of family and friends. And yet she lives. And so as she lives on - she will live with us.

It was Ralph Waldo Emerson that said - All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.” I have watched my mother trust the Lord all my life - I have watched her through hard times and easy times - through thick and thin - through grief and joy - I have seen it with my own eyes. And now we will continue to trust our Lord in this new chapter of our life. Welcome Home Mom.

By the way - we bought at baby monitor!